How close?

How close must I be for one to understand that I need them near? I’ve just been thinking that for a while now.
I can’t help but paint this lewd description, it should help to express my thoughts (and showcase my Hermann Hesse side):

Under the orange sky, by the mango tree with purple leaves, hand in hand,

two new lovers stand, watching the sunset fall on their shoulders as they say their third and probably last goodbyes for that day. He steps forward, even closer than he had earlier mustered courage to. He waits, hoping for her to do same. To him, it was the ultimate test. If she does not love him back she’d remain aloof. If she does she’ll move in to close the gap. She did love him, but she stood there, rooted in that spot.

Now, in the above scenario, both are in each other’s warm ambience, there and then both are safe and happy. Until.

I really should write some love story.

Anyway, I was just thinking if this world has so many people trying to draw close to their supreme being especially in this time of total ethno-religous and socio-economic madness, you’d wonder why the being doesn’t draw close to them. Let’s exclude all the hoards of hypocritics, focus on the ones who’ve got the faith thing going, the ones who earnestly seek comfort from above. How is it that comfort seldom comes? How is it that the “lover of our soul” stands afar of? So I asked my Christian buddy that and he recommended I read the following verse:

James 4:8 it says “Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you.”

And I was like, how close is this close that is required? Cos the overwhelming majority seems to have it that they’re on their own. That they’ve waited for long enough. That this lover doesn’t love enough. Most times it seems that they are now thinking straight. She probably was never there to begin with.

Or was she? It’s mighty hard to tell. The silence, the inaction of someone who loves you so well.

Forty years of that!?

So the israelites walked through the desert for forty years and we’re unscathed. Interesting. Seeing that forty years is a major dot in any given generation. How nice was it to be that all those people: young, old, male and female went through hell, literally, under the scorching heat from the sun accompanied by brimstone-like temperatures of the sand underneath their feet (which were thankfully protected with sandals) were able to make it to the promised land. Pillar of fire by night was pretty cool too. But the sun could’ve just stood still again.

Aha! Cos they were God’s children.

I do think they would have thought it nicer if they made it in four days, don’t you think? You wouldn’t leave your kids out in the sun all day without poking through the window and yelling out “that’s enough!” would you? Ask one of those people journeying through the desert on their way to Europe. Ask how treacherous it’s been for them. Forty years or that!?

Stupid questions

Like “is that Expendables?“. At a boys time-out in friends house involving absolutely zero number of chicks, all five guys watching this action thriller and loving it. For me, the popcorn was amazing,  it was popped with butter then coated with condensed milk, heaven!
But I digress…
The sixth guy walks in, says hi to everyone, then asks “is that expendbles?” to which no one answers. That was when I realised I wasn’t the only one who thought it was a stupid question. He walked in while we were watching the scene were all the guys were standing around in some garage with Statham spinning his blade. Now has there been a time in Hollywood where Snipes and Dolph we’re in the same movie? If there ever was, was Cage in it? How about Stallone and Arnold? Crews and Statham? Was Li, Bruce, Jackie and Micky in it too? Is there not just one movie with that combination of A-list acts? You’d expect some people to be a lot less stupid.
But he was more stupid when he then asked the question for the second time.

Right! Right?

So God sees the end from the beginning, and the beginning from the end, right?
That means God knows of all that ever happened and all that will ever happen, right?
So then God knew that the tree of Good and Evil would eventually ruin the world he so painstakingly created, right?
But he still put the tree right smack in the middle of the garden, right?
And then he said to Adam to “eat not of the fruit of that tree”, right?
But he knew what would happen, right?
So Adam and Eve died because they disobeyed God, right?

The Hollow Earth Theory

As kids there were times when our childish brains were stuffed with talk of a world underneath our own. Then people said that if you dug a well deep enough you could fall into another world right under our feet. There were stories of people who heard stories of people who heard that someone once, while in a cave or well, heard sounds of people going about their business far under. So yea, the Hollow Earth Theory has been around for a long time. While the first concepts were rather crude, this completely crazy idea has gradually developed into a viable alternative to the solid Earth model. In light from today’s technology, many findings point towards a hollow structure as the only method to explain many of today’s scientific discoveries.
There are actually four main hollow Earth models.
1, The Concentric Spheres Hollow Earth Model
2. The Polar Holes Hollow Earth Model
3. The Inverted Earth Hollow Earth Model
4,The Complete Shell Hollow Earth Model

Ok, it’s beginning to look like I believe in this garbage, right? But let’s move on.

The most famous hollow Earth model is the Polar Holes Hollow Earth Theory. This theory says huge polar holes between 2000 and 4000 kilometers across open to the interior of the planet. Nothing has ever been found. Satellite technology has so far proven that such holes are non existent.
In this theory, though, the centre of the planet harbours a central sun that provides light and heat to the world within. Yea, you were probably gonna ask about a light source. (Modern science has already determined that the Earth’s core could be just as hot as the Sun’s surface).


Then there’s the Complete-Shell Hollow Earth Theory. Based on a combination of the hollow Earth and expanding
Earth theories, it provides an alternate explanation for the drifting continents phenomenon thus making the tired Plate Tectonics theory obsolete.
Based on our current understanding of gravity The Land of No Horizon shows how the accumulation of matter during the planet forming process naturally produces a planet structured differently to what is currently theorized. It is also shown how a planet hollows out and expands under its own gravitational power. The hollow planet structure can explain many mysteries that have plagued us for centuries such as:
-unusual Impact crater characteristics on terrestrial planets
-the mysterious Red Spot on Jupiter
– seismic wave data from earthquakes here on Earth.


It’s really looking like b?¿*¡:¡t now isn’t it? You will be surprised how many people in the science world take this to be viable although the scientific community as a body has long dismissed the notion, since the later part of the 18th century actually. But then a number of physicists, astronomers, mathematicians and even high ranking military personnel seem to accept the theory as fact. These people share their stories through experience, research and maybe sheer conspiracy buff-iness. There is a huge cache of mind blowing information that suggests the Earth could actually be hollow.
One Admiral Richard Byrd, the very first man to fly over the South Pole, even claimed to have been in and out of this underground world. He was a very high ranking (one of the highest) officer in the United States Navy.

According to the ancient astronaut writer Peter Kolosimo a robot was seen entering a subterranean below a monastery in Mongolia. Kolosimo also claimed a light was seen from underground in Azerbaijan. I too have seen a cigarette-shaped capsule enter into the earth from the sky, not in Azerbaijan, on YouTube.

The concept of a hollow Earth recurs many times in folklore like I stated earlier and as the premise for subterranean fiction, a
subgenre of adventure fiction. Movies like Journey to the Center of the Earth, Chronicles of the Hollow Earth, Journey to the Hollow Earth, etc. You might want to read The Phantom of the Poles by William Reed.

Oh yeah, ever heard of Agartha? A legendary city said to be located in the Earth’s core. This supposedly fictional place is referred to in many films, video games, literature and even music.

Yes, it’s all just a nonsensical theory. But now I wonder why planes aren’t allowed to fly directly over the north pole.
By the way, spiritualist writer Walburga, Lady Paget in her book Colloquies with an unseen friend mentioned the hollow earth theory. She claimed that cities exist beneath a desert, which is where the people of Atlantis moved. She said an entrance to the subterranean kingdom will be discovered in the 21st century. I patiently wait.

Asides the North and South poles, entrances in locations which have been cited include: Paris, England, Montreal, Hangchow in China, and the Amazon Rainforest. There is also a tale about a tunnel in the San Carlos Apache Indian Reservation, Arizona, near Cedar Creek which is said to lead inside the earth to a land inhabited by a mysterious tribe. It is also the belief of the tribes of Iroquois that their ancient ancestors emerged from a w world inside the earth. The elders of the Hopi people believe that a Sipapu entrance in the Grand Canyon exists which leads to the underworld.
Sadly enough, there’s none in Africa, fack!

Edmund Halley, an English astronomer and mathematician who was the first to calculate the orbit of a comet that was later named after him, proposed that the Earth was hollow and well capable of supporting life.

I’m probably beginning to believe it. You know, we often fail to recognize that what we so often regard as truth is based on theory and assumption. We take these theories and put them in the category of fact until another theory comes along to replace
it. Pluto not being a planet, for instance.

What’s Blue in Blue Films?

Back in the day (yea, I can use that line, I’m getting old enough to), 80s through to the early 2000s, in Nigeria, i often heard everywhere from angry and/or disappointed parents to aunties and uncles to neighbours and amongst peers, the term blue film. Whenever it was spoken amongst peers, there was always some form of sacredness to it. You either said it really fast or whispered it. After looking left right and left again. The term Mojo also meant the same thing but that was used mostly by people who spent most of their time on the street. So blue film was the popular term while I was growing up.

But I’ve often wondered. Who came up with that name sef?

For those who don’t know, Blue film was the name given to x-rated films. I say was cos I think everybody just calls it porn now (Yea, you’ve been reading about porn).

But back then, blue film was the name. How the blue came about is probably a mystery. Maybe someone watched a girl in a blue dress. Or maybe it was on a bed with blue sheets. Or on a blue car? Or maybe the recording was intermittently disrupted by a blue screen. You know how cassettes were like. I did have one that constantly got stuck in our VHS especially when someone was coming. When it played fine, it often showed a blu…..ehem! I digress.

If I remember correctly, I think the main reason my curiosity was heightened was because I wanted to see the blue in blue film. You know we were constantly forbidden to see, listen to, talk about or even smell an x-rated film. But despite all of that the cat still died of curiosity.
If they had just called it Adult films, I probably would’ve refrained from seeing one. Probably. They kept calling out bluefilm and young wannabe scientists, like I was, felt the need to do some research. My findings? There was nothing blue about it.

Twenty Three

Today is the 23rd day in January. The number 23 is significant. It is one of the most commonly cited prime numbers. Twenty three is the lowest prime that consists of consecutive digits. Primes have been described as the building blocks of the world of numbers.

The number has been the subject of not one but two films: the 1998 German movie, 23, and The Number 23, starring my favourite actor, Jim Carrey.
That’s not the weird part. There seem to be several happenings associated with the number. Mostly bad.

Did you know that every person has 46 chromosomes, 23 from each parent?

That the tilt of the Earth’s axis is 23 degrees?

The date Titanic sank – 4/15/1912: 4+1+5+1+9+1+2=23

Two divided by three makes 0.666 recurring (allegedly – actually it makes 0.6666666667).

The Hiroshima bomb was dropped at 8.15am – 8+15= 23

Charles Darwin’s Origin of Species was published in 1859 – 1+8+5+9 = 23.

Weird huh?
The Ancient Chinese believed that numbers conveyed sexuality – evens for feminine and odds for masculine. They considered prime numbers to be the most masculine, conferring special status on 23 which is made up of two consecutive prime numbers and the only even prime number – two.

Wait, there’s even more:
The terrorist attacks on the U.S on 11 September 2001 have been held up as one of the most portentous examples of the disturbing power of 23. The figures in the date (9+11+2+0+0+1) add up to 23.

In the disaster movie, Airport, the bomber has seat 23.

The number of crosses on Calvary at the end of the Monty Python film, The Life of Brian, is 23.

In Die Hard With A Vengeance, a train derails in subway station 23.

The lead characters in the Coen brothers’ film The Big Lebowski always used Lane 23 at the bowling alley.

In the television series Lost, one of the combination of six numbers that haunt the characters and they have to input to a computer to avoid an unknown fate is 23.

The Nobel Prize-winning economist, John Forbes Nash, who was the subject of the film, A Beautiful Mind, starring Russell Crowe, was obsessed with 23. It featured prominently in his battle with mental illness.

One of the few good things about the number 23 is that my birthday falls in January, on the 23rd day.
I bet that gave you the hibbidyjibbies.




Coined from

What’s with that? Its just fat!

Disclaimer: its a bit lewd down there.

So I was thinking (like I always do), this time about butts. No, wait relax, it’s not what you think. You know what? Maybe it is.
I was just wondering why they get so much attention, these butts. This afternoon at lunch here in my favorite Sam’s Barbeque, we were, well, they were watching soccer highlights, I was watching the twenty two persons go back and forth with the ball. Now I know guys well enough to know that when it comes to soccer, nothing is more appealing. Let me rephrase that: I thought I knew guys well enough to know that when it comes to soccer, nothing is more appealing. This lady with butt the size of two oversized soccer balls rolled in. I use the word ‘roll’ because… i guess you know. From her face you could tell something was going on behind her, it shone with pride. Her butt followed some two seconds later and the fellows on the screen from then on only analysed to themselves. A new kind of back and forth game was grabbing everyone’s interest. Those who hadn’t noticed her were quickly and unconsciously brought to reality, or out of it, as it were, by their friends. Transfixed gazes all around the place, even female waiters looked on in awe, or maybe it was envy. If i had let myself be carried away too then this post wouldn’t have had any details. I would’ve probably written something along the lines of “i saw a lady today, with two moons behind her” and that would be it.
So as the masses moved like jelly through the tables and past us, I really couldn’t help but join in. And as I did I realized we were all just staring at masses of fat, nothing more. “Its just fat covered with thin layer of muscle, veins, and skin. Yucky stuff. Why should it be appealing?” I asked me. Its two pockets of skin full of fat! Just look at that, there’s nothing…

My goodness, look at that! I mean…
There’s beautiful skin all over but the portions full of fat are where our eyes stick to? Why? … Whoa! I mean why?How does does… How does that I thought fat was …damn!… I thought fat Look at that! Its just fa..fat..just fat. Just fat I tell you, nothing….nothing more. I feel so hot right now, and the windows are open. Damn global warming!


What are the odds?

Ever noticed how you step out of your house in a crisp navy blue shirt with yellow stripes and some brown polka dots and somehow somebody out there is wearing the same unbelievably rare shirt? Ever found yourself in a bus with a red shirt on with black and white inner lining on the collar, and the guy next to you has the same damn shirt on? You have a beautiful multi-coloured necktie sent to you by your aunt who bought it from an antique store in remote part of Norway. You wear this to a friend’s wedding and bam! There’s a fellow across the hall with the same exact tie.
The above are extreme cases of coincidence but how does that happen?? What are the odds of bumping into someone wearing your exact clothing? Exact colour? Exact design? Apparently not as minute as you thought when putting them on.
Your twin could be fat or slim, tall or short but best believe that awkward moment will linger in the minds of you both.
You’re at some public space, bus stop, mall or church, and suddenly you realize you’ve joined a the-same the-same cloth group. You want to just reverse and head back out but too late, some of the fellows who’re dressed like you are staring at you. All that’s missing is a secret handshake from all of you.
How do these matching outfit incidents happen? Y’all need to watch out this Christmas. Cos really, what are the odds? I’m sorted right opposite a fellow wearing my exact same white shirt with brown buttons. I bought this shirt at an exclusive store. Damn!

Merry Christmas 🙂

Who put these in?

Bored out of my mind today I unconsciously started singing the nursery rhyme:

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again”

Thats when I realised there was no mention of an egg throughout the rhyme.
What, we all just assumed Humpty was an egg? Melons can break, so can Pumpkins. If I fell off a fence with “a great fall”, hell, I’ll break too!

You know, the Bible never mentioned ‘apple’ either, it just said ‘Fruit’.
So suddenly Apples became the representation for all fruits? Peaches, Mangos, maybe even a Pawpaw was chowed on that day given that the garden must have had characteristics of tropical environment and apples growing in Temperate climates but fruit gatta be an apple?

The Bible again never mentioned the number of wise men. “Wise men from the east..” was all there was. Wise men was the popular name given to sorcerers in ancient times in Arabia and the whole of the middle east and farther out. But that’s besides the point. The phrase Wise men can refer to any number of men from two to 12 quadrillion. Who the heck picked Three?

Who put this all in?