In life things must change. You can’t go through life with the same things. In these times that people die of just about anything, folks have probably already started dying off from no-change.
For real. A bus conductor hits his passenger up side the head for giving a thousand naira and asking for nine-forty change. Passenger winds up dead at his bus stop. All cos there was no change. Talk about last bus stop.
OK, that was a weird digression.
But you get it that I meant change as in phases. You didn’t? Man! You need to change. Change is inevitable.
Back to what i was saying, life itself changes. So I’ve decided that in the new year i will be getting a new pussy. I kicked the old one out a long time ago. Too bossy. She always forgets that I’m the man of the house.
I made up my mind on what kind i wanted but fully aware that all pussies are more or less the same but the slight variations are worth the trouble, i set out in search of one.
Walked into a supermarket just to feed my eyes with what’s new in stock and as i set out to leave I caught her behind the glass, just staring at me. She wasn’t exactly striking at first but hey, you know what they say about a new pussy. I was gonna talk with her there and then but folks were all over the place. I had one more stop to make as i had earlier promised to stop by a friend’s, so i made arrangements for her to be at my place by 4pm. I got home at three. You know the feeling you get when you’re expecting a new pussy. The anxiety, the urge to put things in order. House gotta be clean. They like it spic and span. If it’s untidy they don’t come again another day. I spent a good hour making my place cozy and contemplating her preferred spots.
Then came the knock on the door. One last look around the living room and satisfied that all was cool, I opened the door. There, wrapped in pink silk resting in a basket was my….
“A puppy. I didn’t ask for a puppy! I didn’t pay for a puppy. Where’s my pussy??”
“Sorry sir, it must’ve been a mistake.”
The delivery guy turned to go get the correct package. And i just stood there staring at the inscription at the back of his jacket ‘Era Supermarket’. What era are these people living in. Clearly, their customer service is archaic. They had better get me my pussy. I don’t want stories.
No way I’ll go through all this stress for a puppy. Pussy, yes, but not a puppy.