Some time ago I had cause to go into a far away county in the east of this country. We were a group of 8 trying to do what we do best, film. We spent four nights, and yea, these nights were unforgettable, including the part when I stuck my new snickers into a pile of shit that God knows what creature shat.
The mornings were also unforgettable, especially as we had only these two door-sized plywood resting at angles to each other for a bathroom. The two boards blocked any view from towards the building but anyone from the opposite side could tell what colour your butt was. We were at the edge of the town and clear land was right behind us. This bath area was some twenty meters from the house.
No, this isn’t a story about lions or any wild animal, just read on.
One fateful morning, I, in my usual fashion, was the first to go take a bath. I passed by three of my colleagues who didn’t think it was too early in the day to mention the name Messi as they yapped on. I did notice a sudden hush when I made to arrange the boards but I didn’t think of it. So there I was, water over head, water on back and water all over. In the makeshift bathroom, lather on face, lather on belly and lather on…anyway.
There was this sound of moving cloth and then some air came on my face. I just froze, waiting for the impact, or bite. I didn’t know what was up.
No, its still not a wild animal tale.
Nothing happened after a while so I hurriedly, with my ears to the ground, got water on my face. I opened my eyes and behold, my towel was gone. I was expected to return to the house with my butt in the air. Shit!
Let me take you back to the second day there….
That morning, the guys played a prank on one of the younger boys and I didn’t want any of it. You see, they waited for him to begin having his bath then they simply picked up his towel which was resting over one of the boards. It was a sad day for this boy and I felt sorry for him. There and then I insisted it didn’t happen again. This first victim was amongst the three talking soccer
Back to present…
So as it happened I was to beg for my towel to be returned or strike a deal with them since there was no way my butt-cheeks were seeing the light of day from the open. But here’s what happened; since that morning, I had been really cautious of the guys and their mischief so whenever I needed to take a bath I had my Bart Simpson briefs on, only hidden by the towel I wrapped around my waist. Good thinking huh? So all I did was finish my bath and made to step out. Everyone was shocked that I was about to step out in the open, butt naked. All eyes were now fixed in that part of space that my genitals were about to occupy. But they soon discovered i was smarter. Oh, the disappointment their faces wore when Bart Simpson smiled back at them.
The moral of the story is you never know what could happen, when with friends or colleagues, so cover your butt! That didn’t seem like the right quote, did it?