The Erratums

What is a cat? It’s a correction. Having created the mouse God said to himself, “that was silly of me!” and so he created the cat.

What is man? An adventurer. Having created the earth God said to himself, “let us make man in our image, that place will need some exploring!”.

What is water? The drink. After man had had his first meal he said to God, “you know i do feel some tingling in my throat”. “Hmm, i didn’t see that coming” God said “Uhmm, yea, OK, swallow some of that!”.

What is the cow? A substitute. Having created the pig God said to himself, “naa, i don’t want them eating that”

What is woman? A confusion. Having created man God said to himself, “He’s too lonely – and at peace, let’s give him some excitement, shall we?”.

What is a death? The conclusion. Having created life God said to himself, “this can’t go on for ever”.

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Nigeria: where are we?

How i weep for my … that’s impossible, i really don’t see myself weeping for Nigeria anytime in the nearest future for we brought this on ourselves. But for my own part, i can’t utter the name Nigeria without a feeling of respect, shock and a large dose of grief. That nation has dragged itself in the mud so long amongst the comity of nations with these nations standing aloof, one hand stretched towards us and the other resting on their bellies as they laugh hard at our unbelievable governance style and its outright silliness. They warned us, they tried to help us, they planned against us.
Nigeria, a land that was once described as flowing with milk and honey. That land seems to now flow with sour milk and fake honey. A land that has suddenly accepted tribalism. A land that now treats you according to your religion. What brought about all of this? A land where the Divide and Rule stratagem is in full play. They have turned our strength to our weakness.

What are we the youth and young at heart doing? I mean besides arm-chair activism. What are we doing besides posts on the internet? Don’t we need abit more rallies? A bunch of teens and young men started the French Revolution: Athens was a mobocracy: down-and-outs made Holland: the common people more than once saved Rome, and the rabble followed Jesus Christ.

Why then can’t the little people of Nigeria stand for justice? Why do we let the ogas at the top play with a future so promising? Our children’s future. See the strides we’ve been able to attain even in adversity. Imagine what we could attain in prosperity.

They can’t control you and they know it. It was evident in the Subsidy protest in January of that year. They can only control the ogas at the top who control the ogas close to the top who control the ogas close to the ground. But the ground, they have no control over. We are a resourceful people, we’re scattered all over the globe doing great things and still great things can’t happen in our own country? There’s no talk of hitting the ground running, we’re already on the ground, let’s just start running. Let us run for our sake. For the sake of a good life in our very own beloved nation. Our daughters, sisters, nieces were taken from us, our relatives, friends, neighbours are slaughtered day in and out, all happening while our government justle for the biggest property in London, Paris and Dubai, the classiest automobile, the latest aircraft. But we, what do we get? We get empty promises. The SSS Spokesperson then says zero tolerance would be applied to those who insult President Goodluck Jonathan. Goodluck with that. And an oga of police who said there should be no more public protest. He must have gotten a slap on the back for that order (when a slap on the face would’ve been appropriate).

We have shown the world how good we are in the film and music industry, now they reckon with us. We’re set to go to the world cup to show the world stuff we’re made of. How about we show the world the stuff we’re made of in other areas?
The world is watching and mocking us. The world is embarrassed for us. Cos of the simple fact that we humiliate ourselves with each passing day.
Why should i have to think again before admitting my identity? Why do i have to endure hard stares at checkpoints and airports as soon as my passport is handled?

If we don’t do nothing, nothing will be done. If nothing is done then we’re all collaborators in this hideous system. If pleas won’t work how about torches and pitchforks?

Nigeria i hail thee.

Of this Mimshach Anointing

I was doing my usual poking into “stuff that doesn’t concern me” when i came across Mimshach anointing. Someone was talking about how his Head pastor in charge, aka G.O aka papa aka father-in-the-lord aka Man Of God, is anointed with this kind of anointing. Saying that it is because of this anointing that his Papa has “broken forth new grounds in the faith to redeem the lost souls” or how did he put it.
Anyway …
But if i recall from the bit of digging that i decided to carry out, the Bible refers to Lucifer as the ‘anointed cherub who covers’ and the Hebrew word that was used was Mimshach (mim shakh’), meaning, ‘anointed’, ‘expansion’. This means an ‘anointing of expansion’. And it was this grace that unimaginable power was handed over to Lucifer to enable him carry out his duties in heaven.
Scary stuff though is that the Bible didn’t say if this anointing was then retrieved from him after he …you know, changed. It mostly wasn’t. So the Mimshach anointing thus became Lucipher’s ultimate weapon against God and his people.

It is also believed that Mimshach is the unique grace that brings manifestations and expansion. This anointing was the force behind the miracle ministry of Jesus and the same force that also worked in the lives of the prophets of the Old Testament.

So uhmm, if this anointing is still around and we agree that many of our so called Men of God are sorta, you know, fetish, why then should we not think that this Mimshach anointing, atleast the bad version of it, is largely in play in today’s christiandom?

Why Do Tall People Walk Like That?

You ever noticed how tall people walk? Not referring to their long strides or slow motion movement, not the raised shoulders either. Its the way they walk like they’re under greater force of the earth’s gravity, head slightly bowed. Noticed that? Is it that the spinal cord is too long and then tilts as it happens with certain stretched-out objects? Can’t be.

I’m watching this really tall lady pacing in the hallway. Towering over everyone else. She’s waiting to meet with someone who’s apparently late and everyone here is eager to see who this late comer friend is. Yea, we’re humans and we can’t mind our business. She probably will lift the guy by one hand and have him dangling two-feet in the air. Who doesn’t want to see that? Probably not though.
I’ll miss watching this lady that looks like she’s closer to the moon than the rest of us. Actually, these tall people are closer to the moon than the rest of us. So the Moon’s gravity might be acting on them.
Unfortunately, i can’t wait around to see what happens cos my client just stepped out and we must leave the building.
What i ask though is, why do tall people walk like that?
I wish i was a tall person. Don’t look at me, i’m horizontally challenged, its my kids who seem like they’ll grow up to be Michael Jordan-ey. And its for their sake i’m asking.

Do Prayers Work?

An interesting conversation took place at a bar (where certain interesting talks do take place), recently and though the other guy was abit too, you know, heathen-like, he did make abit of sense. These were well educated young men. So i decided to record it for y’all. I couldn’t get all of it cos my battery was low. The guy was probably possessed by something dark (or maybe it was just the drink he’s been having) and couldn’t be trusted. But.

Here’s the convo:

Why all this fuss about prayer? It doesn’t seem to change anything. Something bad still ends up happening even after a vigorous prayer session by several people. I mean, the Chibok girls were kidnapped a short time after the different several day fasting and prayers held by many a church. And after they were kidnapped, the prayers haven’t brought them back.

That’s because, my dear Dayo, prayers don’t actually work.

They don’t?

Nope, they don’t. You see, prayers are just a way of making humans feel they have a higher power they can commune with.

So they don’t work? How about the ones that have worked?

Which ones?

The healing of the sick, blind and so on?

Do you really believe that stuff?

Why shouldn’t i?

Have you come across somebody who was blind? Or who was lame and prayer made ‘whole’?

Uhmm… Not yet

And you won’t.

So what’s that emptiness one feels when one quits their prayer routine for a while? You know that happens right?

That happens but it’s purely psycholgical. Your mind is tuned to certain things and they then work for you. When you don’t want it, it doesn’t. Its much the same way you don’t expect anything and then nothing comes when you quit paying your tithe just cos you’re tuned to the “without your tithe things will be tight” doctrine. Planes do end up crashing with its passengers praying don’t they? Why no answers? But if one person survives its a miracle and they’ll say his prayers were answered. But what about the others? The ones who died must have prayed too. So what exactly happened? Look man, it all just some way of directing our pain to something that really isn’t there. Its a Universal principle of give and take, believe and receive

That’s blasphemy!

Blas- what? Please! That’s what its called but is it really? So how’s it the guys who don’t waste their time praying are living a much happier life? How come those who always have something to pray about aren’t well off or simply more at peace?

Hmm, be careful what you let come out your mouth else face God’s wrath! Universal principle my butt! Who came up with the Universal principle?

Wrath? What wrath?!
You mind telling who you’ve seen suffering God’s wrath? i mean without using the bible. While you’re at that, want to tell me what you’ve prayed about that worked that wouldn’t have worked if you hadn’t prayed? Let me tell you something. All things! All things work in due time, you pray about it or not. That’s why prayers don’t work when you want them too. But ofcourse you’ll be told thing like ‘God’s time is the best’ and all that jazz. And i don’t know who came up with the Universal principle but its there

Its enough please, i don’t want to hear all these.

Ofcourse you don’t.

So here was where my battery ran flat.

Actually, this was a conversation with myself while i had a drink i probably shouldn’t have had. And i recorded it too. i don’t know why or how.

I Still Had It

At the gate today we stood waiting for the security guard to let us in. He asked for a minute but it was already five. We were growing impatient, the sun seemed to be beefing me and we already parked the car. My acquaintance decided to open the gate. He opened it wide enough for us to see what the guard was up to, he was trying to chain the dog. The sudden sight of us made it break loose and it gunned for us. I probably would’ve stood my ground and just hurriedly shut the gate if the guard hadn’t screamed run! Oh well, i had to obey for those teeth weren’t exactly of a smile.

Every body Ben Johnson! Plus passersby on that street.
Before you could say the Ben Johnson sef, i was at the end of the street some 100 meters away my palms to my knees, laughing at the scenario we created.. Apparently the dog never got out, but who was waiting to see?
I didn’t break sweat, didn’t do some heavy breathing. I didn’t even feel the burn in my thighs – until much later.

Was i actuated by that overwhelming passion for the preservation of my life? That passion that turns stupidity into instinct, instinct into intelligence, intelligence into genius and a writer into an athlete. I don’t remember actually heading towards that point i got to, only that i got there. i did have my life flash before my eyes though. Or maybe it was just the sun playing tricks on me.

Thank God for Adrenaline, i never knew i still had it until yesterday when i needed it.

Footballers Are Actors! i think

I apologise beforehand as i will be offending some of my readers, especially the soccer fans. But i do have to write this post, its what this blog is for remember, my views?

Before i start though i’d like to point out that goalkeepers have been shown a number of times spitting unto their gloves and rubbing same together especially when faced with a penalty or free kick. You all must’ve seen this. So just why do their players then go to these goalkeepers for hugs or pats on the back when they should be avoiding them? Having the keepers spittle on every player on the pitch isn’t a tradition is it?

Anyway, i’ve observed a lot of play-acting in the game of football, especially the club tournaments. Yea, sue me.
Asides the faking of injuries or pain, the dives, asides the raising of hands even after they were infact guilty. Asides the suddenly started and suddenly ended fights, there’re certain mis-kicks and moves that one shouldn’t expect from these players who are supposed to be professionals, not even when they’re tired or frustrated.

I first started to have this observation when i followed the past World Cup tournaments. Not cos i was interested, just cos everyone else was following it. Its a beautiful game though. My bad but this soccer stars look more and more like wrestlers in WWF or is it WCW. When a game is full of drama it is called an interesting match and not a 90 minute clip as i think it is. The game is a big money spinner. So ofcourse there must be people who are observing the fans and market and giving them what they want or in other cases, what they weren’t expecting. Its called intrigue. How will the money be made if the fans aren’t entertained?
i might be wrong though, and i do hope that i am.
I was watching the final between Atletico Madrid and Real Madrid in the just concluded champions League, the second half of it. Every thing i predicted in that livingroom eventually happened. The Real Madrid players were pushing hard to score and since they couldn’t the opponents did some time wasting with every foul, elevating tension and ofcourse, time was extended till finally, Real Madrid scored – and three times more during extra time three times! There was the issue with the coach to add to the drama.
Its really like a well written script. With him, Ronaldo i mean, hugging that man (i learnt is his father) like that after the end of the game. A bit of love in the mix?

It seems more an entertainment than a competition.

Why Mohammed?

I remember almost every example that was given in our English Language class as a kid in primary school and even up to secondary school made use of the name John . John was practically involved in everything that happened in life back then. You see, John was and indeed still is the guy who climbed the tree, who stole the meat and the guy who kicked the ball. He was either the younger or older brother to somebody less important. It was rarely Thomas, Phillip or Simon, John was the all round guy.
When the teacher wanted to site an example, he or she used John. When the teacher asked a random student to site an example, they used John.
John was so famous that he had to be put in a song, and just so the song would make more rhythm, Bull was added to his name. So the song went:

“JohnBull my son
i sent you to school
You don’t know how to spell your name”

They didn’t think to use a different name like say, Francis or Richard which clearly fits in the space JohnBull occupies.

So, yes, i was shocked when it hit me. You know that old saying that says “If Mohammed does not go to the mountain, the mountain will come to Mohammed”. Well, i was just thinking, why Mohammed? Why not John?
Who came up with that saying? That person clearly didn’t follow protocol.

Of that 2Face’s ‘Higher’ Video

Some already picture me as a conspiracy buff so i’l wear that cap once again and then go ahead with this.

I just saw the video for ‘Higher’ by 2Face Idibia. Its at first glance, impressive, the animation and all was superb, but then one who’s vast in knowledge of History, Religion, Myth and ofcourse, conspiracy theories will notice certain elements that depict certain symbolisms and blasphemy.
Spaceships are shown salvaging creatures from The Trinet, Three planets and civilizations that’s on the verge of destruction. These planets include Doom, which in several ways looks a lot like Hell fire, Pyramus, looking sorta like Egypt as the pyramids show, and Kayus, whose leader is a woman.

There are volcanic eruptions all over planet Doom with skulls littering the ground surface and the planet is ruled by a man with the inscription on his forehead of the image of horns. The Trinet, led by the king of Doom, decides to invade planet earth sort of how Superman had to leave Krypton for earth cos of the destruction there. Anyway, a wicked-stepmother-looking woman is sent to kill Tuface’s queen with a poisoned apple. Then, the king of Doom slashes Tuface’s throat with a sword as he stares on at his fallen queen. He then holds captive the leaders of Pyramus and Kayus.

What seemed like Tuface’s spirit then attacks the king of Doom and kills him and then it is clear that he’s resurrected, as he ascends to heaven like Jesus or Ra or Buddha, or whoever that guy in a futuristic white spacesuit is.

Kind of an unusual visual interpretation for a song so cool huh? And then at the end, the credit reads directed by Clarence Peters. I’m like Oh, that director is already known for coming up with scary and sinister videos that pass subliminal messages. I might be wrong in all this though, but i doubt that i am. Especially with all the videos flying around and throwing these kind of stuff all up in our faces.
What then was the video trying to pass? It didn’t in any way connect with the song, or did it?
I love Tuface, he looked good even in this video, but this video, hmm, there’s something there o.

Of Hand-Me-Downs From Overseas

If you go in the streets of Lagos and other cities in Nigeria and indeed Africa, (it has since spread all over the continent) you’d observe a trend that started to spring up fairly recently, just about a year ago, i think. Toys; rattles, balls, puzzles, xylophones, stuffed animals and rag dolls, drumsticks, cars, etc. on display infront of shops, shops that normally should have no connection with these items, say a tailoring shop for instance. Items like baby walkers, strollers, carts, car-seats, feeding bottles, spoons, ribbons, clothes etc. are all on display by roadsides in the open air; exposed to the heat, dust and exhaust from passing vehicles. They’re brought in from whatever western country to provide our kids with stuff to play with.
Maybe.

Some group of kind-hearted westerners gathered their old toys and baby stuff to be sent down to Africa where the kids need ’em.
How nice of them.

Or maybe some ‘businessman’ decided that, scouting for and collecting used and old toys and baby stuff to be sold in Africa where the people will jump on them was a good idea.
How unfair.

These items are usually second-hand and at times over-used. Some times, these items are so damaged and filthy that one wonders if a child would not get hurt or infected while playing with them. They don’t even appear to be worth buying in the first place. There are many that do look relatively new and attractive though.

Whether this is a result of a collection of good deeds or a money-spinner concept, it has indeed turned Africa to a huge trash barge of baby stuff.

If we need baby stuff so bad, if there’s such a big market for them, how about we open a factory or two to provide us new ones?

So already we’re letting our kids experience the second-hand lifestyle?

Of All These Hummers In Monrovia

Of the many things that caught my attention since my arrival in Liberia its the sheer number of these huge, gas-guzzling, sweet-to-look-at automobiles called Hummers on the streets of Monrovia that takes close to center stage.


There’re are so many Hummers in Monrovia. Its almost like they’ve got one for every colour. Think of a colour, yup! they’ve got that. Think of another colour, yup, they’ve got that too.
The only other place you can find that many Hummers is, you guessed right, the USA. Well, i’m not sure if that guess is right, but anyway.


Its sorta like they’re manufactured here. But by that i do mean assembled. You don’t expect anything that big to actually be manufactured in africa do you? Just kidding.


There’re so many of them, it should be called Hummer City or something.


Oh well, i have to go before the owner of this Hummer starts to think i’m planning grand theft auto with his ride, i’ve been leaning on it and typing, you see.

Lawless Language

We’ll begin with a fox, and the plural is foxes,
But the plural of ox should never be oxes.

One fowl is a goose, and the plural is geese,
But the plural of moose won’t therefore be meese.

So also for mouse the plural is mice,
But for house its houses -we never say hice.

And since the plural of man is always called men,
For the plural of pan, why can’t we say pen?

Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet rat in the plural is never called rose.

And the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, shis, and shim!

So English, i fancy, you all will agree,
Is the most lawless language you ever did see.

Bad Hair Day

As a kid i loved the Tyson hairstyle, the parting on the side suited me just fine but then it didn’t have as much fitting on my head as it did on Ifeanyi’s head. You see, he had a more streamlined head so the cut was much cooler on him. Picture Dwayne in Different World. My head however, was the shape a very hard egg would take when dropped from a table top and simply refusing to crack, having craters and bulges in places. Picture Mr Tortoise in Storyland. Atleast this was how i pictured it. There were times i had to look at my reflection in the mirror from different angles to get the best pose. The one i’d use when my crush was in the area. She must view me from this angle otherwise get the wrong picture of me.

I grew into a teenager who didn’t care what state his hair’s in, the girls didn’t seem to notice it sef. I had to always be reminded and sometimes forced to go to the barber’s shop. When i had it done though, i came out looking extra awesome. Yeah.
“Ehen! see as you fine now!” was the usual reaction. But that didn’t deter me from being reluctant the next week – and the next.
I’ve carried this into my young adult life. i can walk around looking like i was lost at sea and won’t show any sign that i care. “i know i’m still fine” i find me saying to me.

So on this day, 3days ago, i decide to go get one. I wasn’t reluctant, just got tired of the hair coming too close to my forehead and eyes. My barber and good friend whose name i’ve never known welcomes me but not with his usual smiles and “ma najeran mahn!” that he often calls me by. He’s upset today. I act like i don’t notice and take my seat infront of the mirror. He preps his tools and wears me my apron, or whatever that cloth is called, without even a glance at my reflection. i’m like “low cut” as i hand him my card reader with the memory card full of my favourite Enya and Yanni tracks that i listen to during these times. He begins with so much force its almost like I offended him. He grunts an apology as i show my discomfort but he does it again two minutes later. i tried to limit my show of discomfort the other several times he did this lest he shaved off my eyebrows and lashes in anger. He could decide to shave off my nose hair and my nose itself if he wanted. In my eyes that clipper now looked like a murder weapon in his hands. Now the Enya song playing seemed more like the background track of a horror scene making the salon abit too sinister just as a shaft of light pierced into the place.
It was the scariest 22 minutes. I could see the scared look on my face even as i tried to look normal. Then he says to me just as he finishes “women got too many problems ma mehn”
I get it now, his girlfriend pissed him off. And i had to be the unfortunate next customer.
I went to the salon today hoping to look like Morris Chestnut, i came out looking more like Morris Coconut.

My One Night Stand – ing up

So i had to spend the night in a friend’s apartment, we worked long and hard today and my place is still a long way off. He’s a nice guy, very nice, too nice. He’s gay. I don’t mean happy, i mean Gay. His bed is a normal-sized one, not the kind two men can lay on without body contact every now and then. I lay with my back to him in the spooning position, bad idea. Its like i’m inviting him to come tear a new hole in my arse. Though he hasn’t moved and seems to be fast asleep but my heart is in my throat all through. I sleep aligned to the edge of the bed far from him as possible. I sure can ward him off, i can even break his arm if need be but i hope it doesn’t come to that.
I find myself standing by the bed looking down at him. Looking for a sign, an elongation of some sort. I really didn’t know when i got up, it was reflex i guess. After what seemed like a long time he moves, opens his eyes and asks “why are you up?”
i’m like, “i’m thinking of a new concept for tomorrow, this directing thing no easy”.
He laughs and says to me, “come sleep jor fear fear, i no go touch you”.
I must have been standing a long time cos now my legs ache.

Really, Does It Change Anything?

I used to be a staunch critic of my nation’s president and his cohorts. I used to talk a lot about politics and how stupidly they(politicians) all act, how i often thought they walk around without their Cerebral Cortex, Cerebelum and Medula Oblongata. Of men and women having skulls full of Cerebral Fluid alone. That’s the M̷e̷d̷i̷c̷i̷n̷e̷ ̷m̷a̷n̷ Medical practitioner in me talking.
People with coconut water in their heads. But then i piped down, as i have just done cos i observed one thing.

This one thing i observed is the one question a friend just asked me. Does it change anything?

He asked me that question after i put up a picture of a nigerian living in the UK carrying a placard in protest of our government’s unbelievably low level of accountability. I explained that the action was necessary so that the government is aware they are being watched and can be tackled, even if from afar. Governments worldwide care less about what or how its citizenry feel. Protest all you want they’ll do that which they have decided to do. Wear placards on your teeth, stay in the sun all day, block access routes, takeover buildings, hurl stones. If they’ve agreed on it and signed it then its all a waste of time.
I am aware though that some societies are saner than others. So the governments in the sane lands tend to retrace their steps after a demonstration. This doesn’t mean they won’t find a way to carry out the initial idea later. But for that instance, they ‘listen’ to their citizens.

Where i’m from though, the e̷m̷p̷t̷y̷head niccur in charge and his boys will never listen, no matter what you do, protests don’t work here, e̷x̷c̷e̷p̷t̷ ̷m̷a̷y̷b̷e̷ ̷w̷e̷ ̷c̷o̷u̷l̷d̷ ̷g̷e̷t̷ ̷a̷ ̷c̷o̷u̷p̷l̷e̷ ̷o̷f̷ ̷a̷b̷l̷e̷-̷b̷o̷d̷i̷e̷d̷ ̷a̷n̷d̷ ̷j̷o̷b̷l̷e̷s̷s̷ ̷m̷e̷n̷ ̷t̷o̷ ̷k̷i̷d̷n̷a̷p̷ ̷t̷h̷e̷i̷r̷ ̷f̷a̷m̷i̷l̷e̷s̷ ̷a̷n̷d̷ ̷s̷e̷n̷d̷ ̷a̷ ̷r̷a̷n̷s̷o̷m̷ ̷n̷o̷t̷e̷. So its a hard place to live in.
If a nigerian were to set himself ablaze in protest(which i’m almost certain no nigerian will ever think of) the government will still not look our direction. So if we keep talking, it won’t change anything. So how about action? And by action i don’t mean prayers. We’ve prayed too much already. if i were God, i’d put the prayers of nigerians in an AOB file and attend to more serious requests.

I’m not proferring any solutions though. Y’all can figure it out yourselves. Its not like we all don’t know what should be done. I don’t want anyone saying i started stuff, but i’m ready to be a part of stuff. Get my s̷t̷u̷f̷f̷ drift?

You Should Please Yourself Alone

Picture this:

If you drive a simple car, people’ll say all you have is a common car, why don’t you get a cool ride. So you save up and get one. A short while later, thesame people will say to you ‘why can’t you afford to get yourself a jeep?’. When you work your butt off and get yourself a jeep within your means they’ll say you’re too stingy to spend a little money on abit of body-work and painting, then you beat yourself up about it, then put in some more work, then wax up your new jeep and its now sparkling they’ll ask why you can’t just buy a more recent jeep with working AC, GPS, leather seats, spinning rims and stuff.
At this point you think of committing suicide cos the last few times you’ve banged your head against the wall. But then something tells you “all things are possible through Christ who strengthens you” So you get strengthened, work extra hard, even dabble into stuff you normally wouldn’t just to acquire a new state-of-the-art automobile. But the minute you step out of the new ride they’ll say you’re proud.

Who do you think you are? Driving the latest jeep with leather seats, GPS, AC, spinning rims and stuff. Feeling cool with yourself. Shame on you! Wasting all that money when people are poor around you. Who do you think you are?!

Then your walk and smile is called a Show of pride. You’d then recall you were happier with your first beat-up car that nobody liked.

You can’t please everyone, so you should just please yourself. Make the best of what you’ve got.

Of Illiterates and the Ebola scare

As i tried to follow world news from a fastfood restaurant as they went from the still missing plane, Afghanistan and on to the Picasso side of George Bush. They go on break to show some ads. As i watched, i was thinking why is Zenith Bank still using this advert on CNN? Its over 5years old. But then i saw the UBA ad, its over 10 years! There’s a man with an afro in a suit!! These banks are embarrassing us amongst the comity of respectable nations o. As if our federal government isn’t already doing a swell job proving to the world that they can outdo any corrupt government in the entire Milky Way Galaxy. I was thinking about the afro when the news returned and it read ‘Ebola toll tops 80 in West Africa’. The atmosphere around me became still. It was like they were just reminded of what’s happening in neighbouring Guinea and outskirts of Liberia. The waitress slowed down, the man to my right paused his chewing, the woman opposite me clasped her bag, and me, i just smiled. Yea, i smiled, not cos i’m Dr Evil or some nutjob like that but cos i’ve seen much worse reactions since the outbreak in this short time in Monrovia. In Liberia, seven Ebola deaths have been confirmed out of 14 suspected cases. I heard of someone receiving his $5 bill from a customer using a plier.
At a government building i was at a few days ago, everyone had gloves on, everyone except the the guy with the bad shoes carrying the trash outside.
At a tea shop some days before that a man coughed uncontrollably and three men got to their feet making ready to bolt. It later was confirmed he only choked on something he ate.
At a cyber cafe just yesterday, some folks looking at an accident victim online were rather pissed when one guy came and asked, ain na Ebola there?
The beaches are seeing fewer numbers of visitors. Nobody wants a swim in ‘Ebola water’. Now mosquitoes, flies and rat killers are selling fast. dis Abola menace na causing reeal problem hia in Laberia o said my neighbour just now.

So you see, the reaction in that place was very subtle. Maybe because there were several white folks having lunch and who better understood the Virus.
I’m not saying white folks are smart, take Josh for example, he’s the dumbest guy i ever met. He’s a disgrace to Canada and whitehood.

But i digress.

Or maybe they just felt the white didn’t and couldn’t have the virus so there was no need to show abit more panic.
Illiteracy is indeed a disease. People young and old, everyone believing what they want and causing great confusion in a land already saturated with other problems. Who will tell them?
I have spent my time, although i now see that time as not spent but wasted, on explaining to people that though the virus is real, the panic is uncalled for. My calls more like fell on the dust raised by people moving away fast.

With the presence of uncountable international organisations i was expecting the people to know better.

Speaking of knowing better, one top nigerian government official said nigeria was prepared with stockpiles of vaccines to fight the Ebola virus incase of outbreak in nigeria. Now i wonder where they got the vaccines when presently there isn’t a cure. They probably want to be the biggest lying government in the Galaxy too.

Of Towels and Roommates

So i was drying myself after a 30-minute shower lastnight. Yea, i was wasting water. As i dried my face i said to my self.

I said self, are you aware of where this particular part of your towel has been?

I thought about it a while then i was like this might as well be the same part i dried my butt with. And i dried my nuts too! And i’ve put that all up on my face!!

Then it dawned on me, i once shared towels with my roommate back in the university. And also with my girlfriends whenever they came over for night class. Structural Geology was a tough subject. *clears throat

I can only imagine how many people have dabbed their faces with other people’s butts. And i pity all the players out there who bring their catch home till morning.

Next time someone calls you buttface, just smile and be like you too man.. you too.
We’re all just walking around with bits of ours and peoples privates clinging to our faces.

See you later buttface!

Photo Courtesy of : yellowtennessee.com

Enjoy these songs by Teeblinks: http://t.co/Xl2fKxPehr DUPE is my favourite.

Of these Sliding Windows

In the days i’ve lived in Monrovia, i’ve longed for one thing and one thing only, an apartment without noisy neighbours. No, not a meet with the president, not even a full day at the prestigious Golden Beach. But an apartment without noisy neighbours!
After spending all that time on location and on one’s feet, a good shut-eye and back for ground should be relished especially with Yanni playing in the background. But when that sleep time is often truncated by noise from the next apartment housing loud parents with kids who have no idea what night-time means, i often feel like i should fire two warning shots into their living room. If only the gun wasn’t imaginary. So bad its been that i feel i’m in a vacuum when they’re suddenly quiet. But then i’m startled back to reality when somebody bursts into a hysteric laughter or a kid screams.

Eventually, i set out in search of another, more conducive place of abode. I find one – a good one, with running water, electricity, and a good view. One step into the space and i’m welcomed by an ambience similar to that ten feet from hell. The first thought to cross my mind was it’ll be a disaster if i happen to fart here. Yea, that was my first thought. The second thought was how hot will it then be if i move in my property?

I relay my thoughts to the caretaker to the side of me (not the fart thought though), then he proceeded to open the windows. Ten minutes later the difference wasn’t much. There were sliding windows, those kinds that block off half the path of the air flow into a room.
I’ve experienced those before back in Lagos. The people believe they’re innovative. They add some kind of sophistication to the building, especially the mirror-like types with the Sepia reflection.
People quickly replaced their old windows with this new one. They want to move with the times i guess.
But people don’t consider what happens within these buildings. If you don’t have an air conditioner or fan that ofcourse is powered by the state or your generator, you will have to endure half the cross-ventilation.
Moving with the trends sometimes isn’t a good idea.
So i’m moving on with my apartment search. An apartment with good ol’ louvers. i might never find it, but i prefer not to look half baked everytime i leave the house.

Too much Fluoride?

You see that? it says “..Contact Poison Control Center..”. why??

I grew up recognizing Fluoride as a necessary chemical for a sparkling white teeth. Macleans, Close-up, Colgate and the likes, rang it in my ears and splashed it in front of my eyes. At one time i was thinking to go to the market and just buy a can of pure Fluoride or something.
Until i saw the warning at the back of my Colgate toothpaste tube.

Fluoride is a major ingredient in toothpaste and mouthwash. Many countries even add it to their water supply. That’s how important the chemical is thought to be.

But did you know Fluoride is a potentially toxic waste product? That it is a by-product of Radioactive materials in the early days of Atomic bomb construction and a by-product of certain manufacturing practices like in the Phosphate fertilizer industry?

There’re many types of Fluorides by the way, not just the Sodium Fluoride and Calcium Fluoride you’re aware of. There’s Sodium Aluminum Fluoride, Fluorosilicic acid, Sodium Fluorosilicate, Stannous Fluoride, Sulfuryl Fluoride. All of these types of Flourides are what we shouldn’t be taking in, because there really is no such thing as a Fluoride deficiency.

One could have brown teeth the same way you get it from eating a lot of chocolate or smoking too much, just by too much Fluoride intake! New evidence suggests that Fluoride is not as effective in preventing tooth decay as was initially believed. In fact, it is believed Fluoride can indeed lead to dental disease.
That’s not all though. Research also show that Fluoride may increase the risk of weakened bones and thyroid conditions.
There is also evidence that fluoride can accumulate in the Pineal Gland in the brain and disrupt a range of body processes, including sleep.
Different studies have linked Fluoride to as many as 10,000 cancer deaths per year, with a high incidence of bone cancer amongst men exposed to fluoridated water.

“The British government commissioned a review of the scientific literature on this subject, the results of which were published in the British Medical Journal. The York study concluded that the rationale behind the fluoridation of water is based on weak scientific evidence.
In addition, it found that the protection offered by fluoride is much less than previously thought: just one in six people drinking fluoridated water benefits from it.

In the largest dental health survey ever conducted in the United States, fluoridation of water was found to protect less than 1 per cent of the total tooth surfaces in a child’s mouth.”

I’m just here wondering.
What’s wrong with our scientists? We depend on their research results for safe living. Those guys really need to step their game up, they can’t be telling us one thing now and another later. And why have the benefits of Fluoride been over-bloated all these years, and the hazards of it downplayed? What if it actually caused us to mutate? i really do not want an extra eye.

And now the Macleans ad is on. I just give ’em the eye.

Long time coming

I have never been away from blogging for this long. Over one month! i know i was surely missed. No? i wasn’t? Well, i thought…
Anyway, in the time i was AWOL, i have been in and out of four countries. Seen life from a different perspective. Learnt to relate with people with a more careful approach. Learnt to read in-between the lines, to take nuances seriously. Learnt to shut my blow-hole and turn down offers for a free meal, especially from a woman. And i’ve seen that fashion means different things to different people. Its like different country different sense. Fashion Police needs to see what i’ve seen.
I’ve seen beautiful lands, warm people. I’ve seen a whole nation bask in its visionlessness.

Though i miss my country, i’m not in a hurry to get back to her. i do not intend to talk about the happenings there, not the terrorism and certainly not the politicking. But mehn! i can’t wait to be with my family. They are more precious than i first imagined.

I’m so glad to be blogging again. Still surprised to find i got more visitors in my absence. I’m hoping my experiences haven’t removed something from me though.

False “false-flag” Operations

So i was watching the events surrounding the Boston bombings again and this is what i think is going on in the sphere of False Flag Operations.

For those who don’t know. The term “false flag” came about when, in the olden days, a ship would be seen flying the flag of its enemy just before an attack within that enemy ship’s own navy. Because the enemy’s flag was flying instead of the flag of the real country of the attacking ship, it was called a “false flag” attack.

Its like dressing up as a female to get into the girls hostel. Or maybe not.

According to Wiki:
False flag describes covert military or paramilitary operations designed to deceive in such a way that the operations appear as though they are being carried out by other entities, groups or nations than those who actually planned and executed them… which are then blamed on terrorists.”

There are plenty recorded events throughout history.
» In the early 1950s, agents of an Israeli terrorist cell operating in Egypt planted bombs in several buildings, including U.S. diplomatic facilities, then left behind “evidence” implicating the Arabs as the culprits.

» In the 1950’s, Iranians working for the C.I.A. posed as Communists and staged bombings in Iran in order to turn the country against its democratically-elected president.

» The Russian KGB apparently conducted a wave of bombings in Russia in order to justify war against Chechnya.

» The Nazis, in Operation Himmler, faked attacks on their own people and resources which they blamed on the Poles, to justify the invasion of Poland.

But then, in recent times, they’ve been a series of operations that do not appear to be well thought out. In actual fact, they appear to be intentionally careless. From 9\11 to the Boston bombings(which was the most ridiculous), clear indications that the events were staged were put infront of people’s faces. It was too easy and couldn’t be termed deciphering. When certain things are too easy it becomes suspicious.
Why would a government(or some people in government) go through a life threatening, time consuming, money-gulping, and pain-staking operation just to let the public know they’re faking stuff?
Government (although i can’t say same for the nigerian government) parastatals are known to be occupied by intelligent people. Intelligent people don’t carry out operations in a stupid manner.

Why was the Boston bombing so poorly choreographed? Why do we now witness false false-flag operations? What are they trying to tell us now?

We’re doing it to mess with ya heads some more.
Or
Yea, we’re doing it, but you’ll never guess why.

PROJECT MODEL EXCEL

I have come across many great minds in my short life, this young man being one of my newest acquaintances. He’s much younger than i first imagined but then he has achieved more than i first imagined as well.

Let’s meet him shall we?

Hello bro, do tell us your name.

My name is very long and very Islamic in nature but i love it just the way it is, although i’m a born again Christian. To keep it short, you can call me Ajibola, Ajibola Amzat but my friends call me Aj or Jibbz 

Wow, that didn’t sound as islamic as i expected. And its the shortest long name i’ve seen too. Ok, you mind telling us how old you really are? No football age o.

Laughs. Well, my full name is Ajibola Mohammed Umarhabib-Amzat. Right now, I’m still 22 but that will change in a couple of months.

I must admit, its long and very Islamic, like you said.
I bet you’re unprepared for the next question. Are u gay?

Errrr… No! That’s such a random question! I like the ladies very much if not too much self. But I’m still very much single.

Yup, as random as it gets. i’m just trying to get GEJ off your back buddy.

Oh, now i get it, thanks! Laughs

So, Jibbz, what do you do?

Well since the job market in Nigeria isn’t encouraging, I had to create something for myself, hence the birth of PROJECT MODEL EXCEL. I like to think of myself as a social entrepreneur. I’m into PR, Brand Development, Event Consultancy and Talent Management but I’ve been dealing mostly with models these days.

Uhmm, how did you know its what you were meant to do?

Hmmm….. I guess you can say I have a passion for always wanting to bring out the best in people and everything i see! i want to watch someone grow to realize their dream and the joy it brings does it for me. I’m a sucker for success stories!

Wow, that’s a pretty good reason. Already i feel like i should be a model, something tells me you are the right guy.

Laughs. You could. i am.

Nice. Well, you must face some challenges, what are they?

Well right now, the economy isn’t encouraging so that would be my biggest challenge. Everyone seems to be broke! Its virtually impossible to start up a zero capital business in such harsh conditions but i’m putting the business model i’ve drawn-up for Project Model Excel to the test. So many companies in this country are not flourishing like they should so when a brand developer like myself comes in and says “you need to do “so so and so” to endear your customer and appeal to a new demography… They look at you and run feasibility studies and risk analysis and end up in the same spot for years, not really growing but hanging there to make ends meet.  
I also work with a lot of young talents who struggle to go through school because of lack of school fees and broken, poverty-stricken homes…. They all want to bring their talents to the lime light and become big stars but they lack the financial support they need. I normally consult them for free, link them up with bloggers and run free promo packages but that can only go so far, I wish i can do more but there’s only so much i can do with limited resources.
And no one wants to finance a start up business capitalizing on services and consultancy….

Hmmm, you must be strong-willed to do all these. Weldone.

Smiles. Thank you

You’re welcome. Is there anything other than what you do that you would rather do?  

This  would probably have to be my primary passion, investing in people’s lives and trying to make a difference really does it for me, it fills my heart with joy, and in life you need to do what makes you happy.  
 
Apart from that, my second passion would have to be marketing, as a brand developer you have to be able to market anything and for me it’s all about the packaging! 
I also have a passion for property investments  but by default I already co-own a real estate company so i’m gonna keep that cash cow under my belt till Project Model Excel can stand on it’s own.

 
Good idea. Name three people you admire.

The women in my life, I’m gonna count them as one because they are so much a like! My Grandma, my mom & my elder sister, Sarah! They are the strongest women I know! Strong, Beautiful, Smart, Resilient!
Second, I will say, Mr. Martin Efosa Johnson, he is the most hard working & business oriented designer that I know. I’ve learnt a lot from him and he has encouraged me through out this journey i’m on.
Third will be Uti Nwachukwu because he stepped into spin city and he knows how to play the game. He stepped on the scene as hunky Nigerian on BBA Africa and ever since then he has been reinventing himself as a Fashion Icon, a Model, a TV Presenter, an Actor and even Musician!

Uti the fashion icon, Martins the designer and the resilient women in your life, you sure have an eye for brilliance.

smiles. i guess i do

Does doing  what you do prevent you from being or doing something you really like?

No not at all….
Running PME isn’t all that stressful, its just that i have to attend to a lot of talents through my blogs and I try to dialogue with all of them via social media  platforms so that’s really engaging. But I have fun with it, my job takes me into the studio sometimes for recordings or to build portfolios and designer look books.  And it gets better, because I get a lot of event invites so it’s all fun for me! There’s never a dull moment!!!

There’s nothing better than having a hubby as a job. Might i ask, which is tougher, your job or having to be around all these girls?

Being around the girls would have to be the hardest part…but i cope with it, one has to be focused, you know? 

Yea, i know. i also know i love your job. Can I join in? What is your most annoying habit?
Laughs. You should run a PR campaign for PME, wait! That’s what you are doing now? Haha! 
But my most annoying habit is probably my cheesy and corny jokes which makes a lot of people wonder which planet I’m from? Lol!

You sound just like me. Sometimes i feel i..this isn’t about me. Back to you.
Have you ever seen a UFO or a ghost? 

OMG! I’m pretty sure I have, both a UFO and a ghost… But I can’t place it! Maybe it was a dream or but maybe it wasn’t?

Hmm, that explains it.

Laughs

Who is your celebrity crush?
Eva Alordiah & Sheyi Shey! Those two should do a duet collabo or something…. I am very close to stalking both of them!

Hehe! Goodluck with that.
 
What are you really bad at?

Public speaking and lying… I’m a terrible liar!

We aren’t so alike then, i’m pretty good at cooking up lies.

Laughs

You seem to laugh a lot. When was the last time you cried?

This last Saturday when a young man came into my office with his story. It didn’t hit me at first until later that evening after I recanted his predicament and started thinking about the struggles people go through in this country!

Rather sad …let’s get back to happy. So, are you in a relationship?

I’m happily single! I’m all about establishing my company. I don’t have time for any lovey 

i guess one of those girls haven’t found favour i thy sight yet.

Laughs

What would you like to change in the industry you’re in in nigeria?

 
I think we should stop the politics and focus on helping each other. Every one is too busy trying to be the best and too busy trying to extort the other without trying to relatively add value to the society and economy.

Hmm, well said. Folks must be itching to know how they can contact you. How can we reach you?

Project Model & Excel is on major Social Media platforms:

Twitter: @Model_Excel
Instagram: @Model_Excel
Tumblr: projectmodelexcel
BB Pin: (available upon request)
Tel: 07054813477 & 08122564376
Email: projectmodelexcel@gmail.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/project.model.excel

Website: http://www.projectmodelexcel.wordpress.com

Jibbz, its been a pleasure having this chat with you, you’re indeed unique. Hope to see you travel the world soon.

It was a pleasure! Thank you for having me. And amen to that.

Knuckle Cracking

I remember a while ago i used to work for someone who detested the popping sound that came from me stretching and cracking my knuckles whenever i felt my fingers needed stretching and relaxing from much typing(not much actually). She’d often cringe and say “oh my God, don’t do that!”. Just incase you’re lost, she wasn’t referring to God, she was referring to me and my knuckle popping. Up until then i never thought they’d be anyone who found the cracking of knuckles to be irritating.
During my time there, i started to ignore the urge to crack my knuckles, not cos i didn’t want to lose my job…lol.. but cos i am a nice guy who cares for other peoples’ feelings *wink. So i dropped the habit, and today i only do it when i remember and just want to get a feel of it one more time. its not that easy to let go of.
i must thank her though, she made me do some finding out about it.
So, did you know that the cracking sound we hear from our joints aren’t produced by our bones but from when bubbles burst in the fluid surrounding the joint? Our neck, wrist, waist, back and toes are about the places i’m aware people stretch to make popping sounds out of. If you know of anywhere else, do tell me.

We all know, atleast some of us, that joints are the meeting points of two separate bones, held together by connective ligaments and tissues. The entire joints in our bodies are surrounded by a fluid called the synovial fluid, a thick, clear liquid. When you stretch or bend your joint to crack the knuckle or wherever, you’re causing the bones of the joint to pull apart. As this happens, the connective tissue capsule that surrounds the joint is stretched. By stretching this capsule, you increase its volume. With an increase in volume comes a decrease in pressure, remember that from science class? So as the pressure of the synovial fluid drops, gases dissolved in the fluid become less soluble, then cavitation sets in. Cavitation is the formation of bubbles. When the joint is stretched far enough, the pressure in the capsule drops so low that these bubbles burst, thereby producing the crack/pop that we recognise as knuckle cracking.

It takes about 30 minutes for the gas to redissolve into the joint fluid. This is the period when you try to crack your knuckles, and they just won’t crack. There’re no gas bubbles to pop just yet. Once the gas is redissolved, cavitation is once again possible, and you can start popping your knuckles again. You can do it anyway you want, you can do it Sylvester Stallone way(the much younger version) or the Terry Crews way(not the ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ version, he was too soft there).

People who often pop their knuckles experience increased mobility in joints right after popping. When joints are manipulated, the Golgi tendon organs (a set of nerve endings involved in humans’ motion sense) are stimulated and the muscles surrounding the joint are relaxed.

But when you pop your knuckles too much, this is what you end up with.

Hehe! Just kidding. Contrary to some beliefs, there’s no apparent connection between joint cracking and Arthritis; however, habitual knuckle poppers show signs of other types of damage such as soft tissue damage to the joint capsule and a decrease in grip strength. This damage is most likely a result of the rapid, repeated stretching of the ligaments surrounding the joint.
So while you turn your fingers to a bubble wrap every now and then, have that at the back of your mind.

i’m going to put down my phone now and pop some knuckles. You know, i should be popping some bottles, but i’m so broke, the only thing i can afford to pop are these knuckles.

Our Brand of Christianity

Earlier today, this lady started singing christian songs and people joined in, i was surprised at this and i don’t know why, maybe because i was expecting them to be irritated by the sudden disturbance. Anyway, this boosted her to sing more songs even louder and more people joined in. Then she switched to prayers, you can trust nigerians, ‘amen!’ filled the space in between. But then the prayer was getting too long and i noticed fewer people had their eyes closed as more people proceeded to get distracted by the goings-on in traffic.

By the time she was done, i was smiling. It was just amusing. My smile quickly faded as she insisted that all the sinners in the bus “surrender their lives to Christ”. It was in the way she said it, some sort of awkward authority. And not just i noticed.

Its like when a pastor starts to bind a certain evil spirit from a possesed body and he utters something that makes the spirit be like ‘ah ah, cool down na, u don pas ur boundary’.

pray dis praya afta me…but fest sing dis song afta me. At this i scuffed, what is the after me thing? Why don’t you just tell them to pray on their own for the forgiveness of sins?

Well, as expected, nobody sang the ‘come into my heart’ song with her and nobody prayed the prayer with her. Atleast not to my hearing, and i have good ears.

In the end, it was all silent, and i realised how much noise she had been making.
It was clear that our christians are content with prayers and songs but their lives should be theirs.

Kids and Seatbelts

I’m on the road a lot and… Ok, i lied. i’m not on the road a lot. But whenever i’m on the road, i see, and its getting all too often, kids on the laps of their mums(or whoever) in the front seat of a moving car. I don’t understand why people don’t realize that this seemingly ordinary act is highly dangerous for the child. Is it that they want the child to have a clear view of the passing scenery or they just feel carrying the child is the safe way to go for that child? Its pure recklessness, i say! I have tried to caution some people but they had no idea what i was saying ..or what i was doing with my hands. They must’ve thought “what is wrong with this one?

I recall that that was what Britney Spears got in trouble for sometime ago.
Your child, in front of a dashboard, a sitting duck for when the driver slams on the brakes to avoid traffic or a pothole and gbam! headfirst into the car. You reject it IJN abi? Ok o.
Even worse are kids left to sit or stand in the front seat. Madness!

Many parents would say their kids are too small for seat belts and that’s why they have to carry them. Well that’s what they’ve got the child car seats(Booster seats and/or Child restraints) for. And funny enough, those things are now common in the market. Not tomato market o, i mean shops, supermarket and malls.
They should go buy them and save their kids, and themselves, a head trauma.
And when these kids are old enough, they can wear seat belts.

When are kids old enough for car seats?
Kids can start wearing a regular seat belt when they can easily rest their back against the seat of the car and bend their knees over the edge of the seat. Usually, this happens when kids are between 8 and 12 years old and around 4 feet 9 inches tall. They shouldn’t be let to sit at the back, playing around unstrapped.
Because kids do exactly what their parents(adults) do, when adults use seat belts, kids will use seat belts. So as adults, we should show good example and belt up whenever we’re in the car(not only when close to a LASTMA checkpoint) even if its a short ride. We should teach them the importance of using seat belts. Its for everyone’s safety, and most importantly, our kid’s.

And yea, the shoulder strap should go across the chest and shoulder, and not go beneath the child’s arm or behind the back. And never never across the neck o, otherwise you’ve turned it into a hangers noose.

Learn!
If i catch another family with a kid in the front, i’ll stop them and yell at them complete with hand gestures. They just might ask “what is wrong with this one? again but atleast they’ll learn.
Pass this around so i don’t have to overreact in public.

Why Do We Yawn?

Everybody yawns, so do most vertebrate animals. But we’ll like to learn why we yawn, right? So here’s a post about yawning.
Just typing about this yawning thing makes me want to *yawn* yawn.

Why we yawn exactly isn’t known though. But there are some explanations.

A common explanation states that yawning helps draw in large amounts of air to increase blood pressure, heart rate and blood oxygen levels. These physiological changes improve our motor function and alertness, helping to wake us up when we’re tired or watching Nollywood. But ignore that, experiments have shown that yawning doesn’t infact induce these changes.

And then there’s Hyperthermia hypothesis which says that yawning helps cool down the brain. This is the current belief. Don’t ignore it.

And get this, one cool stuff was discovered in 2007, researchers found that holding warm or cold packs on one’s forehead affected how often one would yawn while watching Nollywood or while watching other people or your pet yawning. In addition, cold packs decreased yawning, compared with warm packs. People are more likely to yawn when the air is cool. No wonder no one yawns while sweating. Aaah! Cool huh?

Ok, back to the matter at hand. Basically, we yawn because we’re bored. Like when we’re watching Nollywood. Bored and want to eat, bored and want to sleep. The signal that initiates a yawn comes from a particular brain region, the PVN (for paraventricular nucleus) of the hypothalamus. It stimulates other brain cells in both the brain stem and the Hippocampus to produce the muscle contractions we know as a yawn. The PVN also makes chemical messengers that may cause yawning. Its production of one called ACTH (for adrenocorticotropic hormone) increases dramatically during sleep and just before waking–which may explain why we yawn when we wake in the morning.

You must’ve yawned through all that medical jargon.

But why do we yawn when we watch others yawn?
Well, some scientists think such contagious yawning is most likely related to mimicry and empathy. Just as people will most likely laugh when they watch others laugh, smile when others smile and frown when others frown. And steal a piece of meat when their older brother steals a piece, and kick the dog when a sibling has just kicked the dog, and stick their finger their nose when…OK enough.

Research also showed that the closer someone is to you genetically or emotionally, the more likely you are to yawn along with them. This is maybe because you have stronger empathetic bonds with them.

Little wonder i yawn right after that Wall Gecko!

i yawn whenever i have to listen to my president give a speech. Not that guy up there, nope! Its the other guy whose photo of him yawning i don’t have. i do have one of him doing nothing though. Totally boring.

Lady For Sale

I’ve come across many ladies who have placed themselves as adverts consciously or otherwise on social media. These ladies look like mannequins in showrooms, only not showing the clothes and accessories but the body itself. The physique, colour and the whole nine yards on display for potential suitors(buyers) who are often just wolves looking for a vulnerable sheep to devour.

Several reasons are given for this development, the most used surely is the “i’m getting too old and must marry soon” reason, there’s also the “i don’t have a man in my life” and the “i need a new man” reason.
Go on social media, what you’d see amongst countless photos of ladies in different poses – and pouts – is a bit of a cause for concern.
So because a lady feels that she’s getting older and should be in the “relationship zone” and not out of it, she wants, or as she would insist, needs to get a man – any man that shows the slightest interest in her.

These ladies, even good looking ones, feel that having to showcase themselves like this is a sure way of meeting the man of their dreams. They often get the man of their bad-dreams as should be expected when just any man is granted access into their lives.

I personally think these ladies are selling themselves cheap. They can as well wear a placard over their bodies with the inscription Lady For Sale. But that would cover the merchandise body wouldn’t it?

our friends from Rentaghost, where are they now?

Remember Rentaghost? That British children’s television comedy show broadcast in the 80s. Awesome tv time i tell you. We’d first dance excitedly to the theme song while singing along to words we didn’t really comprehend, then we would settle down to enjoy raw entertainment.
The plot centred on the antics of some ghosts who worked for a firm called Rentaghost, which rented out the ghosts to the public to perform various tasks.

The company is run by Fred Mumford, a recently deceased loser who feels he can find work for ghosts whose lives were as failed as his. His first (and only) recruits are Timothy Claypole, a mischievous jester with a comical lack of knowledge about modern technology; and Hubert Davenport, a delicate Victorian-era gentleman who is morally shocked by the modern world. The ghosts work from an office, which they rent from Harold Meaker, who discovers the truth about them in the third episode.
With witches, wild west gunslingers, jesters and pantomime horses all looking for work, the show immediately bedazzled a whole generation. The Rentaghost show was an absolute delight to all of us back then.

After then though, i, and i’m sure a great many other people, never saw any of the characters in any other tv show. So what ever happened to our jobless ghouls, are they still on our TV screens today but with different looks? have they ventured into other business? or are they dead?

i asked me this question a lot of times. So i decided to do some digging…

Timothy Claypole
Real name Michael Staniforth would always be most fondly remembered for his role as the ghostly jester Claypole but he also found fame as a stage performer. His career included the role of CB in the original cast of Andrew Lloyd-Webber’s Starlight Express.

After Rentaghost he appeared in Canned Laughter but sadly died in 1987.
A while after Rentaghost, Mr Claypole disappeared. Rumours persist to this very day that during the mid 80’s, around the seedy booze halls of Soho, you could often catch sight of a broken, drunken man in a jesters outfit, desperate to remember better days.
And thus, in 1987, at the age of just 1987 minus someday quite a long time ago, Michael passed away and Mr Claypole died for the second time.

As well as starring in Rentaghost, Staniforth composed, played and sang the theme tune.

Fred Mumford
When Michael Darbyshire (the actor behind ghost Hubert Davenport) died in 1979, Anthony Jackson also decided to leave the show. He would continue to work through most of television’s best loved series until his death in 2006.
His list of credits include Bless This House, Citizen Smith, Only Fools and Horses, The Bill, Casualty, Footballer’s Wives and Doctors.
He also provided voices for the David Bowie film Labyrinth!

Hazel the McWitch
Real name Molly Weir was also an accomplished writer, as well as a TV and radio personality. She produced five volumes of memoirs and penned a trilogy of books about childhood in Glasgow.

If you fancy tracking them down, the first is called Shoes Were for Sunday. She died in 2004.

Harold Meaker
Real name Edward Brayshaw would find most of his acting roles before he actually got to Rentaghost, including an extended run as War Chief in Doctor Who! Unfortunately he only had a few more TV roles following his departure.
The most notable of these would be roles in The Bill and Bergerac. He died in 1990.

Ethel Meaker
Real name Ann Emery left the world of spooks and ghouls to embrace the realm of theatre. She found herself enjoying a number of stage roles including My Fair Lady and Billy Elliot.
Between 1981-2007 she only had five parts, with roles in The Bill and S Club spin-off Miami 7. Her most recent role was in 2007’s Wednesday.

Arthur Perkins
Real name Jeffrey Segal has enjoyed a long and rich career in UK television. Following from Rentaghost he has enjoyed a wealth of roles in instantly recognisable shows: Fawlty Towers, Yes Minister, Are You Being Served, Bergerac, Oliver Twist, David Copperfield and most recently Jonathan Creek!

So some went on to the great beyond since Rentaghost but some still linger.

We miss them don’t we? i know i do.

The Blood Sea

In November of 2012, Tourists at the world-famous Bondi Beach, Australia, freaked out abit after a ‘rare natural phenomenon’ turned the water at the sea blood-red. Bondi was among several popular beaches in and around Sydney, which was closed because a huge algae bloom transformed the sea into a body of blood. Sort of like a glimpse into what Moses did in Egypt. Also sort of like what the bible said would happen in the last days…

“The second angel poured out his bowl into the sea, and it became like the blood of a corpse, and every living thing died ..” Revelation 16:3

The explanation for the phenomenon though was that it is caused when algae flourishes and large groups of the miniscule plants, which can appear in various colours, gather together often with this kind of spectacular results. Algae is known to give the sea its blue-green colouration as well. But red?!
The water was said to have an appearance like it had a coating of tomato-sauce or red oil. A whole lot of algae to make it that thick if you ask me.
Large numbers of fish were believed to have died from the effects of the algae even as i thought fish loved algae. i guess too much of everything…

Was this Algae or was this Angel pouring out his bowl?

there's a really brave man!

there’s a really brave man! Me, i’ll be running on water in the opposite direction

Made in Nigeria SUVs from where? …there?

So, as i went through today’s news while sipping on some leftover malt drinks from yesterday, my birthday, i … yeah, it was my birthday yesterday and i had a lot of fun. There was the food and the drinks. I opened so many canned Malt drinks that i almost looked like a brand ambassador slash official taster of the product. Family and friends were there to make it worthwhile too. It felt good to know one is loved. Even folks who wish i’d get run over by a truck still wished me a “Happy birthday”. It was ironic and i loved it!

Anyway, i came across all these headlines saying nigerian-made cars will be out in the market by April. And i’m like, “from where will these vehicles be built?”. That was before i read the story from one of the online news sites. After i had read it came a new question, “from there?”

This was what caught my eye: “Chief Executive Officer of Nissan Motors Carlos Ghosn says his company plans to roll out the first made-in-Nigeria 4 X 4 Utility SUV in April this year using the old Volkswagen Assembly plant owned by its partners.”

You don’t see any problem with that? Well get this, the statement didn’t use the terms “refurbished” or “newly constructed” assembly plant. it said OLD VOLKSWAGEN ASSEMBLY PLANT. Can new wine come out of an old wineskin? How the heck do new SUVs roll out of an old Volkswagen assembly plant?? We’re not watching Sorcerer’s Apprentice here. Or did they just forget to tell us its now an ultra modern plant?

Another statement went thus:
“We are interested in producing popular cars , totally adapted to the needs of Nigerians…”.
Lol, for real? By this does he mean, inferior quality type vehicles that nigerians wouldn’t mind owning if the price is right?

And then…
“..the company also plans to bring its global suppliers to make vehicle components in the country” He added.

Psheww, Please! that statement seems abit far fetched, so far fetched that i think i smell a huge ghetto rat. What company will want to come into naija to make their highly complex car components in a country where basic infrastructure is lacking? Any sane organisation in that line of business would prefer to remain suppliers from wherever they are than come into a country where other companies have moved out of.

Nigerian made SUVs. Prepare for a time when cars without engines will come out as finished products or four wheel drives with three tyres. Heck the gears might work the wrong way. You might have to steer left to turn right. Forget trafficators. The security system will be so inefficient, you’d have to secure your car Mr Bean-style.

And to all these, the factory workers will be like “na so we see am o…na so d tin be”.

Just kidding.

We’re fine without it, thank you!

So western countries are pissed off cos our president decided to pass the anti-gay law despite pressure not to. Let me say that this is about the only thing he’s put all his might into and the only one thing he’s ever done that has endeared many nigerians to him since the “i had no shoes” era. If he put half of that vigour into killing corruption in the country, nigeria would be a great nation. Yea, the president said he passed the bill because that’s what the people of nigeria want. He totally ignored the other things that we want, like; Electricity, food security, and crooked politicians hanging from poles stuck up their butt holes.

The new anti-gay law in Nigeria has drawn widespread criticism and the country is being threatened with severe actions such as a halt in Aid.
My thought is, It’d be great if this Aid can be stopped. Looking at this issue critically, like i always do, nigeria doesn’t really need aid. Nigeria has the highest population of black people, she has Africa’s richest man and Africa’s richest woman. The highest number of private jets in one country. Senators and governors who earn more than the president of the United States and probably his cabinet.
Besides, all that aid from time past never trickled down to the people at the grassroots, we hear about it on television and that’s it.

Someone please tell the president to attend to more pressing matters so we won’t have to be in such a situation.

Also tell him to wipe that grin off his face, nothing’s funny here.

Nope, we don’t need foreign aid. We’re fine without it, thank you!

Noisemakers in transit

I recall when i worked with a popular bank on the Lagos island. Notice i used the word ‘with’ not ‘for’. And i say its a popular bank cos some banks are just far from that, take Wema bank for instance, when was the last time you heard of Wema bank? Last time i heard was ‘Weemaa bank, Wema bank, reaching for greateer heiiiiiights!’ Remember that song? Sad that they never reached that greater height.

But i digress…
During my time there, not Wema o, i mean the popular bank, i’d join the bus shuttle provided by the company to take me to the bus stop nearest my house on the mainland. There was this guy who made it a habit to always talk loudly while the rest of us just wanted to rest our tired bodies and snore with our mouths open and facing traffic. This guy would talk and talk. It was like he waited for the bus ride to show his talent. It was his stage and he loved it, sadly, many others didn’t.
All buses have that one person who talks abit too loudly and abit too much. Believe me when i say all buses have them, only thing required to identify them is a trigger. Could be a serious accident on the road or an overzealous Gala seller, whatever the trigger is, be sure that that person would start blabbing away.
Funny, and at the same time, sad thing is that they don’t realize they’re disturbing the peace of others. When you decide to give them that “interesting but do quiet down” look, they tend to read it all wrong. They immediately assume you’re enjoying their gist, then face you, give that awkward laugh you have to politely respond to, and they then talk even louder.
Some are so loud that passengers get forced off the bus, even before reaching their bus stops. That’s when you witness situations like:

Passenger: “conductor, Shogunle wa o!” (Trans: conductor, let me get off at Shogunle bus stop).

Conductor: Shogunle ke? Shebi Oshodi le sope e nlo? (Trans: why Shogunle? i thought you were going to Oshodi?)

Passenger: e ma wori, e ja mi si Shogunle jare. (Never mind, just let me off at Shogunle bustop)

Its that bad.

New Twist To Soft Porn

So i was watching a series of soft porn this morning as i prepared for work and i must say i was surprised at the turn the industry has taken to gather more people to it.
Oh, are you shocked? You think it was too early in the day for me to be watching some soft porn? Or you mean i shouldn’t be watching it at all?
Why shouldn’t i? you watch it too, don’t you? Of course you do. You, your friends, your family, you all watch it. On your mobile phones, laptops, and on CDs and DVDs.

Anyway, at lunch time, again i had no choice but to watch some more soft porn. Not from my phone though, it was what was showing at the fast food spot i was at. We all watched a good dose of it as we ate. Saw this guy hang his spoon in mid air for quite a while before it found the inside of his mouth. i don’t blame him, its the whole idea of soft porn isn’t it?

The twist i observed is that these new kind of porn comes with dance moves and beats that will make you move your body. Cool huh? To me though, the music is not so great, as a matter of fact, its confusing and repetitive. But the visual is…uhmm..interesting to watch, just as your normal soft porn.
If you don’t like the music, like me at times, you could just put it on mute and enjoy.
The surprising part is, this is soft porn from Nigeria. The industry has grown in leaps and bounds within a short time. It has gathered so much appeal that nigerian soft porn producers now involve foreign acts in their clips. They’re gradually taking over the industry from the western world. And there really is no limit to the type of ladies used for these clips; black, white, yellow, red, blue. You name it, and the directors will go in search of them for there is a hunger for new faces and bodies… and colours

If you’ve been missing out on all this fun, do tune in now to MTVbase, SoundCity, Channel O or Nigezie, or during the day, to any local TV station of your choice. They go under the name of ‘Music Videos’.

Packaged water is good for you? think again!

I’m no Microbiologist or Chemist. i just happen to know certain things from stuff i’ve read. They could be errors in this post. i doubt that though.

During my time in early secondary school, the sale of water in transparent cellophane bags began. It was widely accepted. The usually chilled, sometimes icy water helped a great deal to quench the thirst of school children and workers alike. i learnt then that a lightbulb came on upon somebody’s head when after selling food to construction workers, water was necessary. The fellow with the lightbulb went home, poured a cup of water in transparent cellophane bags, put them in a freezer. Voila! Chilled, packaged water for the price of One Naira.
In a short time, ‘ice water’, as it was called, went viral. And then people started to put all sorts of water in bags and took out to sell, so long as it was chilled, people bought them. Until it was unbearable. Ice water then came in different tastes and colours.

Enter ‘PURE WATER’:
The cellophane was machine-packed, had a name and other details such as expiry date and contact address printed on its sides. It was called ‘Pure Water’. Though it was relatively expensive, the advent of this new type of packaged water was greeted with standing ovation. Literarily. You had to stand and struggle to get yours otherwise it would have run out before you could get any as it was still very scarce, one company could provide only so much. It was Big Man water, but it slowly phased out the ‘ice water’ as more Pure Water companies opened and many didn’t mind parting with their Five Naira for one sachet because of the name and attractive packaging. And yes, ‘Pure Water’ had a different, ‘refreshing’ taste. It tasted pure. You could even taste the Chlorine and other chemicals as they worked to kill off the germs.

Enter BOTTLED WATER:
This came into public view some years down the line. This was elite water. It separated the boys from the men, so to speak. One had to cough out eighty bucks to buy a single bottle which held only one and half of the volume of sachet ‘pure’ water! An outrageous sum for very little water, many thought. But given our lifestyle of public display of material things, it thrived. It thrived so well that Bottled Water companies sprang up from every nook and cranny of the country. Business was booming. While other manufacturing companies were relocating to nearby countries because of the lack of infrastructure, the water people stayed back and made big money. Since arriving the scene, bottles of different shapes, sizes and colours have filled our markets – and littered out streets and gutters – and more companies yet spring up.

But what do these three types of packaged water have in common? They are all of no good.

Relax, don’t make that face, keep reading.

You should be made aware that the average bottled water isn’t any purer or healthier than our ‘pure water’ or even tap water or even water sourced from a deep well. Note that most bottled water companies drill boreholes thesame way pure water people do. Its also mostly thesame treatment processes that they pass through. Don’t be deceived by the many water companies that print ‘Fresh Mountain water’ or ‘Natural Spring water’ on the bottles. Rarely do they use these sources. i read about a company that gets its water from the icebergs in the Arctic. Could be true, could be false.

In reality, packaged water isn’t as fresh as water from a deep well or some tap water.
In some cases, bottled water is even worse. Storing water in plastic containers over a long period of time on shelves and especially in the sun, has its health implications. Micro-organisms grow faster in the high temperatures. Also, under high temperatures, little amounts of the plastic is dissolved into the water.

i recall my dad coming home one time all those years ago to tell us his boss had been diagnosed with Typhoid. This was surprising because his boss was(and i believe still is) a wealthy man who used to import his water from France. How he got the illness still baffles me. Maybe. He probably had too much plastic.

Moving on…

Ever notice that when you drink many of your bottled or pure water, its often like something is missing or that too much of something has been added? Well, this is cos of the treatment processes carried out to purify the water. Some of them are known in some circles to be harmful. Some such as:

• Reverse Osmosis
This process forces water through an extremely fine membrane to remove dissolved minerals. This process removes all microbes, turbidity, organic and inorganic chemicals, minerals, colour. The purified water passes through the membrane and collects in a storage container. Most of the dissolved minerals in the water cannot pass through the membrane and are flushed away as waste.

The disadvantage
Necessary minerals such as Calcium, Magnesium, Sodium, etc. are also filtered out. What you end up with is just water to quench your thirst with no added value. Your body does need little amounts of these minerals.

• Deionization
This is the process of removing ionic impurities in water. The resulting water is said to have no pH value since there are no ions to measure the pH by.

The disadvantage
There is a fear that because it is too pure it may actually be harmful to humans. Extremely pure water will rob the body off its useful electrolytes or ions.

• Ozonation
Water is disinfected using ozone, which kills most microbes, depending on dosage applied.

The disadvantages
» Ozone isn’t as soluble in water as Chlorine is. A water treatment plant must use complex mixing techniques to successfully disinfect water with ozone, this makes ozone treatment much more complicated than chlorine treatments.

» While ozonation does remove a variety of bacteria and viruses, it can also produce a by-product known as Bromate. i’m sure NAFDAC made everyone aware of Bromate.

» Ozone may not be strong enough to kill all cysts and spores within water when applied in low doses. Also, it doesn’t prevent the re-growth of germs within water like Chlorine would, so there may be a lurking contamination problem.

Its probably best to revert to the first form of water purification we ever knew of. When you boil your water for 15 – 20 minutes, your alright.

I Hate Suits!

I’ve got a presentation to make at a reputable organization in a few days time. Obviously, i’d be expected to appear as a professional, meaning i should be clad in clothing acceptable in the corporate world. Even as i would want to be addressed appropriately, i just might show up in a native attire, or tees and chinos, or the much closer corporate shirt and trouser (or whatever its called).
This is because, well, I HATE SUITS!! i have never fancied the idea of being choked up in a suit. i feel like i’m wearing a strait jacket. Some guys look real good in a suit. Shiny and all. Like robots.

When you wear a suit, especially the new designer ones, its even harder to scratch your head or to bend over to pick something up without ripping the clothing somewhere. Oh, it won’t rip? Well, i didn’t know. But i do know that ones movements are too restricted when in a suit. With some designs, when the wearer raises both hands above the head, the suit, well, follows suit by coming up to ones face. Watisdat!?

Not forgetting its hard to breath in one, know how you always have to take a deep breath after you’re fully dressed in one. It just chokes the life out mahn! And in this weather??

In a suit, one just looks like a robot. Add on a pair of dark shades and a stoic look and voila! there you have it, a living, breathing robot!
i might not have a choice but to have to wear one and this makes me totally irked.
i don’t know jare, i’m confused. Or i could wear track suits, they’re also suits right?

Kenneth Justice: Sex before marriage is bad….REALLY???

Here’s a post by fellow blogger, Kenneth Justice “The Culture Monk” http://culturemonk.com

I believe this is one post everyone, especially religious people, should read.

i should’ve just reblogged it but i couldn’t find the damned reblog icon!
So here i am, reblogging it.
Enjoy…or not.

~Growing up in Evangelical circles there was one thing I heard all  my life;

–) Sex before marriage – BAD

–) Sex after marriage – Good

Not only do Christian parents, teachers, priests, and pastors tell us that sex before marriage is bad……they also say; ‘Sex before marriage is….a SIN” Of course, statistically we know that the percentage of people who are virgins when they marry is very low.

We also know…statistically….many people enjoy sex before marriage. But of course….just because we ‘enjoy’ something doesn’t always mean it is ‘good’ for us.

Question a Priest or Minister on the subject and they will hurl a bunch of bible verses at you to ‘prove’ that sex before and outside of marriage is a damnable behavior.

But, ‘questions‘ are what The Culture Monk is all about!

So…..does the bible say sex before and outside of marriage is a sin???

Not necessarily…..

Actually, what the bible does say about sex…..at times is very weird.

Here is a short run down;

The bible says,

–) It is okay if  a man rapes a virgin! All he has to do is pay the father 50 shekels of silver…and he’s off the hook! (Deut 21)

–) It is okay for a raped woman to marry her rapist…it is actually biblical! (Deut 21)

–) It is okay for a father to sell his daughter into slavery! (Exodus 21:7)

–) It is okay for a man to marry multiple wives! (Exodus 21:10)

Now those are just a few of the bizarre ‘biblical’ views of sex and marriage….

Quote those verses to a conservative Priest or Pastor and they will feel backed up against a wall and respond, “Well…..those were just cultural things that God allowed back then…..God really doesn’t want those to happen”

Yet, those same conservative Priests and Pastors are the people who rail against the cultural practices of our modern world!

Let me go on the record; I am against rape. I believe rapists should be locked away and the key thrown into a bottomless pit……I guess I disagree with the bible on this one……

So where does this leave us?

–) I believe it is important that for those of us who are religious…..that we are careful to not hurl bible verses at people who have differing views.

–) I believe it is important to be realistic; sex before marriage is a normal part of life in Western Cultures…..instead of making our children feel guilty…why not be more open with our children about sex? This isn’t to say that I’m encouraging young people to have sex before marriage; but it does mean that I’m not going to live in a bubble and pretend that it is the ‘end of the world’ if they are going to hook up.

–) I believe it is important for those of us who are religious, to not get caught up in worshiping particular bible verses that we love, and ignoring bible verses that we don’t love

–) Finally, for those of us who are religious, I believe we need to be more honest about the bible……there are a lot of things in the bible that we need to condemn; like rape, and forced slavery, and genocide……perhaps we have been reading those verses in the bible in the wrong context and we need to take a fresh new look at those troubling portions of scripture.

How can we expect to be taken seriously  if we pretend that genocide, rape, slavery…and other horrendous behaviors that the bible appears to condone…..are okay???

Do you have the courage to admit genocide in the bible is wrong?

Of course…..there is one thing the bible doesn’t mention and I take it as a serious offense that the writers left it out; coffee!

I think I’ll have a cup right now.

Kenneth

Maybe Hellfire is the happening place.

Hell fire seems like where all the fun things will be going down (get it, going down?) after the last days.
Now hold up! Before you label me the antichrist or whatever, how about i paint you this hot picture:

They’ll be hot guys and babes looking hot in their hot outfits, and showing off their hot steps. Hot rides parked outside. The hottest DJs in town blasting the hottest jams from all around. The hot groove gets hotter and hotter. Hot shots of liquor all around. Its getting hot in here, so take of all your clothes.
And the roof.. the roof.. the roof is on fire! We don’t need no water! (That’s probably cos there isn’t any water).

Isn’t this a depiction of hell fire? LOL, just messing with ya!

Firebrand schools and dumber kids

Have you observed lately that many Private schools, both secondary and primary, devote more time to prayer and worship songs during assembly and before the start of extra-curricular activities? Its almost like its been added to the school’s Curriculum.

Went with a friend to drop his kids at school. We got there late because the typical Nigerian Trunk B road turned a five minute drive into a twenty minute one. I won’t put all the blame on the road though, he spent too much time choosing the best necktie to go with his suit. I hate suits! But i digress…

We got into the school compound only to hear screams. The kids were praying at the top of their little voices MFM-style. Toddlers shaking their heads and throwing punches. I decided to move in slow motion so i could witness more of this and behold, after this was a song which required they clapped theirs hands and stamped their feet. They all knew the song. As we got into the car after being assured his kids won’t be punished, i heard screams of ‘aameeeen!’. While he saw nothing to it, i on the other hand, as usual, thought it was rather awkward.
From other experiences, i gathered that pastors a.k.a Men of God, are often invited to counsel and most times, conduct deliverance services for these children. Prayer points are often same as the ones in church deliverance programs but sometimes, not most, involving academic success. The same academic success that’s gotten through helping the kids cheat or cheating on their behalf. So what then is the use? What’s the use of prayer points such as ‘O God, open my brain, and let my books enter!’ Or ‘You my head, you must know book!’ if the parent(s) have an agreement with the teacher(s) to have the child’s grades boosted. What’s the use?

And then, when the pastor is done, the kids are instructed to stretch their hands towards him and pray for him for praying for them which is what he should’ve prayed for before coming to pray for them without expecting to be prayed for.
Only thing missing here is offering time.

What’s the use if these teachers speak terrible english and use derogatory terms in class? Have you noticed they no longer teach Moral Instruction in schools? Isn’t that what the kids need?

Isn’t it rather unnecessary and unfair to steal their joy of childhood by involving them in spiritual warfare? We weren’t put through that as kids and we aren’t dead now because of it are we?

that rule of thumb i disagree with.

Not sure exactly where i saw this sentence but it stuck and i decided to drop a line, or 20 on it.

“A rule of thumb for a satisfying life is to treat everyone as if you were going to die by midnight.”

Here’s why i quite disagree: if i were a raging psychopath on the loose. A serial killer from the deepest depths of hell, and i was gonna die by midnight. i sure wouldn’t treat people nicely. i mean, i haven’t been a psychopath before but i’ve seen enough ‘Criminal Minds’ and ‘Bones’ to know that it won’t make the world peaceful. Though it would give me, assuming i was that serial killer, a satisfying life.

But then a rule of thumb is a principle with broad application that is not intended to be strictly accurate or reliable for every situation so maybe i shouldn’t be worried. But you should be! What if i have till midnight to live??

Dayum!

The word ‘Dayum’ is a more emphasized version of the word “damn ” when it is used in the same way. You must’ve heard it being used by african american characters in hollywood movies. i recall that my friend, Wole, used to say it back in school and i’d just laugh so hard that i coughed. Picture Chris Talker say it and you’d laugh your head off. Not literarily.

i was watching my favourite channel, SonyMax, when one of my favourite shows came on. Its a collection of crazy videos from around the world. The best piece was of this guy called Big Daym, who while sitting in his car, decided to talk to his camera about how wonderful he thought his burger was. He then posted his seven-minute-long video review of ‘Five Guys’, the name of the popular burger chain, on Youtube. That was in April, 2012.

His video was as entertaining as his meal was satisfying, but he had no idea his video would get a remix from the brilliant artists known as the Gregory Brothers.
The remix of Big Daym’s Five Guys review, also known as “Oh My Dayum,” was on Youtube for one day, when it achieved viral status. The clip has nearly 30,000 likes and more than 423,000 views in the 24 hours it was posted online. It now has over 230,000 likes and 18million views! Dayum!
i just had to share it cos its totally hilarious! And a brilliant work from the Gregory Brothers.

Its something like the ‘My oga at the top video remix’.

The “Oh My Goodness, Oh My Dayum” video is embedded somewhere on this page. That’s if you can find it. Its my first time posting a video so i might’ve done something wrong.
Or you could just type ‘dayum’ on Youtube and get to laugh your head off. Not literarily.

This is just to see if i can post a video. If it turns out that i can, i’d sure be like ‘dayum!’ If i can’t, then the simple ‘damn’ will have to do.

Photographs and Flatscreen TVs

So i see a lot of pictures on social media, especially BBM and Facebook, of folks taking pictures with their (or their friend’s) flat screen television sets. Men, women, boys and girls alike are guilty of this. Plus owner of house, plus houseboy and house girl, anyone oppurtuned to be within arms length and armed with a camera phone will ‘sharpally’ take a few snapshots. Some even take these photos in television show rooms!

Must you take a picture with the tv? And if you must how about you just do it with ‘scope’? Take the picture with the tv in the background. Pretend like its not what you want the people to see.
Standing right beside the tv like its some artwork is abit i-dont-know-what-to-call-it to me.
Just another funny exhibition of the love for material things.

Nigerians and Big Bodies

At the mall the other day, after what seemed like an eternity of walking around doing some actual and virtual shopping, i just sat there to rest my tired little feet. And did some more virtual shopping from that spot. So there i was thinking how on earth i’d make it to the exit without collapsing when these two ladies approached and sat opposite me. One with a cute, chubby baby girl on her laps. i did my usual Mr Bean facials to get a giggle from her, the baby i mean, and yes, it worked. But she quickly got bored and then i too gave up and turned away. i started taking in the beauty of the mall until i found myself eavesdropping. Lady A was telling lady B how cute and healthy her baby had turned out since they last saw each other. Lady B replied with the all to frequent “na God o”. Then Lady A popped the question. No, she didn’t ask her for her hand in marriage. She simply asked with exaggerated casualty, “what are you giving her?”. The response was something i didn’t get but was obviously the name of a foreign baby food product. If i wasn’t sure about the name, at least i was sure it was foreign cos she pronounced it with such shakara, like how bush-girls with fake accents pronounce ‘God’.

Then this chic with a very nice … handbag passed by and divided my attention.

*Clears throat*

I managed to get something about her not breast feeding her child as they began to speak in low tones. “..but i want her to be big”, was the last thing i heard.

What’s with us nigerians and big bodies?
I’ve heard of babies being given large doses of Cod liver Oil. I’ve seen babies being fed processed, high calorie foods. i know of mums who mix raw eggs with the baby’s already prepared food and some who force-feed. All just to have a big-sized baby, not minding the complications that may likely arise.
There’s Diabetes and High Blood Pressure in children these days you know.

People, especially in my country, attribute being big, or chubby or fat with being healthy.
Apparently, this has been transferred to babies too. If your child is smallish or just not big enough you’ll often here questions like ‘why’s your baby small like this? You should go and see the Doctor o’. Just the same way, a thin or slim adult is assumed to be sick or malnourished.

A plus-sized adult is often said to be healthy looking or as they say, ‘enjoying’. If you’re driving a car and you’re small-bodied do not be surprised if people think the car isn’t yours. Sorry but you’re expected to be big because you have money.

Although, a lot of people are beginning to reason differently, this belief is so widespread and accepted that people ingest just about anything to make them fat. Malt and Milk is a popular combination for broke people who want to put on weight and “look good”. People stock kitchen cabinets with high calorie foods, with foods that contain the wrong type of Fat. Foods with high Sodium levels. Even pills for fattening livestock!
So why do we blame relatives in the village when somebody suddenly slumps and dies?

Unexplained dissappearances

There are intriguing tales, in history, of people who have inexplicably vanished from the surface of the earth without a trace. Many though have gone undocumented.

Here are but a few documented ones to boggle your mind abit: I got some of these from Listverse.com

There’re several cases of unexplained disappearances of people even as a group in Lagos.

*The three agberos at Amje bus stop.
During the height of the government’s force to eject miscreants popularly called “agberos” from the city of Lagos. There was a particular incident that shocked many observers. Three agberos mysteriously vanished in broad daylight in the midst of hundreds of people. It occurred as a Hilux truck filled with soldiers parked by the popular bus stop. The agberos who were in plain sight of the soldiers and onlookers before the vehicle stopped just turned to mist. Only a trail of dust was seen. The bodies themselves were too fast to be tracked with the naked eye.

*The LAWMA disappearances.
One time in September 2013, on the streets of Lagos, Nigeria, i walked by a group of beggers sitting together doing their business. About a hundred meters ahead came to a screeching stop one big LAWMA truck. Five uniformed men got off and one pointed in my direction, i turned around to ascertain the situation only to discover that the beggers were gone! They just vanished into thin air. Only two spinning bowls and a few naira notes were in their place.
What? It doesn’t count??

OK, let’s go.

1) The Flannan Isles lighthouse keepers.
In December 1900, three lighthouse keepers vanished from their duty stations, leaving behind equipment important to surviving the hostile conditions at that location and time of year. Despite exhaustive searches, the keepers were never found. The official explanation for the disappearances is that the men were swept out to sea by a freak wave.

2) The Bennington Triangle
Between 1920 and 1950, Bennington, Vermont was the site of several completely unexplained disappearances:

*December 1, 1949, Mr. Tetford vanished from a crowded bus. Tetford was on his way home to Bennington from a trip to St. Albans, Vermont. Tetford, an ex-soldier who lived in the Soldier’s Home in Bennington, was sitting on the bus with 14 other passengers. They all testified to seeing him there, sleeping in his seat. When the bus reached its destination, however, Tetford was gone, although his belongings were still on the luggage rack and a bus timetable lay open on his empty seat. Tetford has never returned or been found.

*On December 1, 1946, an 18-year-old student named Paula Welden vanished while taking a walk. Welden was walking along the Long Trail into Glastenbury Mountain. She was seen by a middle-aged couple that was strolling about 100 yards behind her. They lost sight of her when she followed the trail around a rocky outcropping, but when they rounded the outcropping themselves, she was nowhere to be seen. Welden has not been seen nor heard from since.

*In mid-October, 1950, 8-year old Paul Jepson disappeared from a farm. Paul’s mother, who earned a living as an animal caretaker, left her small son happily playing near a pig sty while she tended to the animals. A short time later, she returned to find him missing. An extensive search of the area proved fruitless.

3) The disappearance of Oliver Larch.
According to his narrative, Larch was on his way to collect water from a well one winter when he vanished; leaving nothing behind but trail of footprints in the snow which terminated abruptly, and a series of cries for help that appeared to come from above. In some tellings, Larch’s story is set in late nineteenth-century Indiana, in others, it is set in North Wales. One particular recurring citation of this variant was as Oliver Thomas of Rhayader, Radnorshire, mid-Wales and the date is given specifically as 1909.

4) The Vanished Cripple.
Owen Parfitt had been paralyzed by a massive stroke. In June, 1763 in Shepton Mallet, England, Parfitt sat outside his sister’s home, as was often his habit on warm evenings. Virtually unable to move, the 60-year-old man sat quietly is his nightshirt upon his folded greatcoat. Across the road was a farm where workers were finishing their workday by pooking the hay. At about 7 p.m., Parfitt’s sister, Susannah, went outside with a neighbor to help Parfitt move back into the house, as a storm was approaching. But he was gone. Only his folded greatcoat upon which he sat remained. Investigations of this mysterious disappearance were carried out as late as 1933, but no trace or clues to Parfitt’s fate were ever uncovered.

5) The vanished Diplomat.
British diplomat Benjamin Bathurst vanished into thin air in 1809. Bathurst was returning to Hamburg with a companion after a mission to the Austrian court. Along the way, they had stopped for dinner at an inn in the town of Perelberg. Upon finishing the meal, they returned to their waiting horse-drawn coach. Bathurst’s companion watched as the diplomat stepped over to the front of the coach to examine to horses – and simply vanished without a trace.

6) The Lincoln Tunnel.
In 1975, a man named Jackson Wright was driving with his wife from New Jersey to New York City. This required them to travel through the Lincoln Tunnel. According to Wright, who was driving, once through the tunnel he pulled the car over to wipe the windshield of condensation. His wife Martha volunteered to clean off the back window so they could more readily resume their trip. When Wright turned around, his wife was gone. He neither heard nor saw anything unusual take place, and a subsequent investigation could find no evidence of foul play. Martha Wright had just disappeared.

7) The Norfolk Regiment.
Three soldiers claimed to be witnesses to the bizarre disappearance of an entire battalion in 1915. They finally came forward with the strange story 50 years after the infamous Gallipoli campaign of WWI. The three members of a New Zealand field company said they watched from a clear vantage point as a battalion of the Royal Norfolk Regiment marched up a hillside in Suvla Bay, Turkey. The hill was shrouded in a low-lying cloud that the English soldiers marched straight into without hesitation. They never came out. After the last of the battalion had entered the cloud, it slowly lifted off the hillside to join other clouds in the sky. When the war was over, figuring the battalion had been captured and held prisoner, the British government demanded that Turkey return them. The Turks insisted, however, that it had neither captured nor made contact with these English soldiers.

8) The Legend of David Lang.
This famous case allegedly took place in September, 1880 on a farm near Gallatin, Tennessee in full view of several witnesses. The two Lang children, George and Sarah, were playing in the front yard of the family home. Their parents, David and Emma, came out the front door, and David headed off across a pasture toward his horses. At this time, a buggy carrying family friend Judge August Peck was approaching. David turned to walk back to the house, saw the buggy and waved to the judge as he strode across the field. A few seconds later, David Lang – in clear view of his wife, his children and the judge – disappeared in mid-step. Emma screamed and all of the witnesses rushed to the spot where David once was, thinking perhaps he had fallen into a hole of some kind. There was no hole. A thorough search by the family, friends and neighbors turned up nothing. A few months after the unexplained disappearance, the Lang children noticed that the grass on the spot where their father vanished had turned yellow and wilted in a circle measuring about 15 feet in diameter.

9) The Stonehenge Disappearance.
The mysterious standing stones of Stonehenge in England was the site of an amazing disappearance in August, 1971. At this time Stonehenge was not yet protected from the public, and on this particular night, a group of “hippies” decided to pitch tents in the center of the circle and spend the night. They built a campfire, lit several joints of pot and sat around smoking and signing. Their campout was abruptly interrupted at about 2 a.m. by a severe thunder storm that quickly blew in over Salisbury Plain. Bright bolts of lightning crashed down on the area, striking area trees and even the standing stones themselves. Two witnesses, a farmer and a policeman, said that the stones of the ancient monument lit up with an eerie blue light that was so intense that they had to avert their eyes. They heard screams from the campers and the two witnesses rushed to the scene expecting to find injured – or even dead – campers. To their surprise, they found no one. All that remained within the circle of stones were several smoldering tent pegs and the drowned remains of a campfire. The hippies themselves were gone without a trace.

10) The Village That Disappeared.
An individual that vanishes is one thing, but how about an entire village of 2,000 men, women and children? In November, 1930, a fur trapper named Joe Labelle made his way on snow shoes to an Eskimo village on the shores of Lake Anjikuni in northern Canada. Labelle was familiar with the village, which he knew as a thriving fishing community of about 2,000 residents. When he arrived, however, the village was deserted. All of the huts and storehouses were vacant. He found one smoldering fire on which there was a pot of blackened stew. Labelle notified the authorities and an investigation was begun, and which turned up some bizarre findings: no footprints of any of the residents were found, if they had vacated the village; all of the Eskimos’ sled dogs were found buried under a 12-foot-high snow drift – they had all starved to death; all of the Eskimos’ food and provisions were found undisturbed in their huts. And there was one last unnerving discovery: the Eskimos’ ancestral graves had been emptied.

Rather scary eh?

Silica Gel: Why do we find little packets of it in almost everything we buy?

You know those packs we find in cartons or packs of stuff we buy? Like the one in the picture? Though many people aren’t used to seeing them cos we are mostly a second-hand product consuming nation.

There are little packets of silica gel and there are found in all sorts of products because silica gel is a desiccant, meaning it absorbs and holds water vapour. In leather products, where it is most commonly seen, the lack of moisture can limit the growth of mold. In electronics it prevents condensation, which might damage the electronics. You will find little silica gel packets in anything that would be affected by excess moisture or condensation, even food products.

Despite the “Do Not Eat” warning on the side, Silica gel is harmless. Nothing bad happens when one eats it. Silica, or silicon dioxide (SiO2), is the same material found in quartz. The gel contains numerous tiny pores that can absorb and hold moisture. Silica gel is essentially porous sand. You can’t die from eating sand can you?

So there you have it, feel free to eat them!

Pray For Nigeria

Let us pray for our dear country. With all that’s happening in our land, the only solution is prayer.

Let us pray the same way America prayed. Pray the same way Britain prayed. Let us pray to our different Gods for help, for prayer alone can rescue us from the mess we all are in. Singapore, China and Malaysia are but a few countries that prayers have put on the world map. They were poor countries with corrupt rulers, but that was before they prayed to God to save them and today they are all “small londons”. Wait, they are even better than London.
Remember that South Africa also prayed its way out of the apartheid regime. We all are witnesses to the death of the head prayer warrior very recently and how the world stood still for him.

We should not be wary. We shall find solace in our places of worship. When we go in anger and dismay to church services, what do our church heads say to us? they tell us to “pray for our leaders”, so, let us continue to pray. We obviously haven’t been praying well enough. Recall many years ago that many a G.Os told us that President Jonathan was the messiah nigeria desperately needed? Many years down the line and things have only gotten from bad to worse, but this is solely because of the demons at work that we have refused to pray fervently against.

Let’s stop the other tactics in a bid to salvage the nation. Also stop the name-calling. Its unfair to call this administration names when we can just pray for them. But really, why should anyone in their right minds call this irresponsible government names like say, an irresponsible government? Why? Name-calling has never solved anything. Prayer has.
Jesus started with prayer and ended with prayer. Let’s emulate that. When the traders gathered their wares at the temple and turned into a market place, what did Jesus do? He was so raged that he prayed in anger.

As we move deeper into 2014, let’s not forget that “prayer is the master key”.

Wild Bananas have seeds!

Ever wondered where bananas came from and how come they are found in almost every land on earth and yet do not have seeds that can be transported by birds? If they can’t have seeds how then were they transported? Well, I stumbled on photo on Google and just had to scoop this from there.

Don’t get confused, the seeds on your every day banana are Vestigial seeds that cannot produce. They are propagated from ‘pups’ that grow from the parent plant. The parent dies after fruiting.

That’s how they got everywhere. In 2013 bananas were fourth among the main world food crops (after rice, wheat, and maize) in financial value.

Wild bananas though, have seeds, large, hard seeds.

But like seedless varieties of other popular fruits, the cultivated variety is seedless, those tiny black specks inside the fruit like the ones we commonly find in markets are sterile clones of a mutant banana plant found in 1836.
Many wild banana species as well as cultivars exist in extraordinary diversity in New Guinea, Malaysia, Indonesia, China, and the Philippines.

The banana plant is the largest herbaceous flowering plant. All the above-ground parts of a banana plant grow from a structure usually called a “corm”. Plants are normally tall and fairly sturdy, and are often mistaken for trees, but what appears to be a trunk is actually a “false stem” or pseudostem.

the Born-Agains of this world

If one more Jezebel-looking, born-again, spirit-filled person bursts out speaking in tongues next to me again i shall kee sombori. From the hair to the shoes, these people look more like they’re filled with Methylated spirit than the Holy spirit. These days, in many charismatic circles, you can be a born again gangster, politician—or, at least, a tongue-talking, seductive starlet, or a born again lingerie model, or a born again 18+ movie actress, or a strip-club-attending, Jesus-loving rapper. After all, as we are reminded day and night, “Who are you to judge?”

Actually, what Jesus taught was that we should not judge hypocritically or superficially or unjustly and that we should not condemn. But Jesus also said, “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment” (John 7:24). The Lord commands us to judge, as long as we do it rightly.

Paul taught the very same thing, writing to the Corinthians, “not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?” (1 Cor. 5:11-12)

Why is it that everyone seems to remember the words, “Judge not” (Matt. 7:1), but very few seem to remember—or care about—the divine call to judge those “inside the church” (meaning those who profess to be followers of Jesus)?

Without a doubt, only the Jehovah knows who is saved and who is not. But his Word makes things very simple for us, outlining God’s part and our part: “But God’s firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: ‘The Lord knows those who are his,’ and, ‘Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.’” (2 Tim. 2:19)
Unfortunately, many have forgotten that the only evidence of the new birth is the NEW LIFE, and the Scriptures make perfectly clear that if we profess to follow Jesus with our lips but do not follow Him with our lives, we do not belong to Him. I’m talking about the consistent, willful pattern of our lives, not on and off christian. Are we following Jesus or not?)

Its not about the outbursts in tongues during church services whilst being clad in a scanty or see-through attire and looking like Picasso just had practice on your face.

This preachers should start preaching the truth, should stop shielding their flock with this God-sees-the-heart type of preaching. It’s time to drop this sin-excusing, so-called gospel that offers everything and calls for nothing. Time to get back to the truth. Otherwise, as naija and indeed the world caves in unto itself, who will we blame?

Of New Year’s Resolutions

So i was on the balcony watching the fireworks at midnight. Nope, i didnt go to church, cos i didn’t want to miss the sight. And trust me, from that vantage point, it was worth it. The Lagos skyline was covered in explosions and fluttering down of fireworks. Beautiful! And as i watched in awe i thought to myself, ‘these guys are ruining the ozone layer’.

Anyway, at that point and around it, millions of people worldwide start to make their new year’s resolutions. Normally, this resolutions are to be adhered to, but usually they aren’t. They’re just made every year by people who aren’t really ready to change. People all over the place wanting to quit smoking, lose weight, get married, get more money and all that set these goals either mentally or write them down on paper but soon the paper is lost and the mental note forgotten – until the end of that year. Some do remember though, but they postpone action continously till they can blame something or someone else.

Y’all should just quit and live your lives. Or be serious about changing it.

If you want to change, then you need to be specific about what needs to be changed or what needs to be done to achieve that look or status you dream of.
If you want to lose weight, be specific about how much weight you want to or need to shed. You want to be financially stable then be specific about how much you have to save every week or month.
You want to get married, do what you need to do to get noticed and appreciated.

Don’t just pray, pray and pray! You did too much of that last year with little needed action.
How about this time around, you ACT!!
Otherwise there’s just going to be a revolution of resolutions again.

Of the US Spy Drone that crashed in Ibadan

So i decided to visit the story i saw some days back and lay my comments on it. There is a lack of information on the side of the journalists involved. It is obvious from the size and look of this particular model that it has a limited remote control radius.

It is certainly not a military edition drone. But of course it is used in aerial observation but to say it was controlled from Texas, USA, is an absurdity. Funny thing is, the US do not have to go through the rigours of unmanned craft over our skies. We are an open book, more porous than a yam basket.
It looks like a toy, though in reality, these machines are used for spying and the controller was most likely in the vicinity as at the time it was “captured”. So yes, an investigation, i real one, should be carried out.
Even if the police or whoever were there and made the conclusion that this was controlled from the US, were there no other people around to say “hey, don’t be stupid guys, from U.S ke?!” ?
What is there to spy on in Ibadan sef?!

He can turn your pee to sparks!

There are many, unfortunately little known, remarkable people amongst us. People who have taken upon themselves the quest to better our world. I stumbled on another last week while going through some comments of Facebook. I had to make contact and we subsequently arranged a meeting. 
A long read but worth every line.
Hello, Ejikeme. Tell us a little about you and how you got started as an inventor.

I was born and named Ejikeme Nwosu on 4th February, 1983 to my parents, Chief Christopher Nwosu and Mrs. Mary Nwosu. I was the seventh child of family of eight children. Right from my kindergarten days, I found it much easier to understand and learn things compared to my peers. Apart from that, I loved asking questions and always wanted to know how things happen. I remember vividly one night as I was trekking with my elder brother on the street of Awka, Anambra state, and there was darkness everywhere as the electricity supply was lost but I noticed that cars on the road still have their lights on. I asked him, ‘Obii, why is it that NEPA has taken our light without taking the ones used by the cars?’. I can’t remember his responses then but I am pretty sure that I wasn’t satisfied with whatever he told me. I was in kindergarten then. The questions remained in me until at a point I got to know that cars are not powered by the national electricity grid, since the electricity supply of cars are more reliable, we can duplicate such in our homes, estates etc.

I loved reading lives of great scientists and philosophers, in fact I so much admired the way they do things like being non materialistic and keeping beards. Laughs.

My secondary school Chemistry teacher, Mr. Umeh, was god-like in his ways of teaching us Chemistry. His inspiration was so much that I started conducting little experiments at home using equipments I fabricated.

As an undergraduate I joined American Chemical Society and received weekly publications of Chemical and Engineering News and other Chemistry Journals. Joining this Society made me understand that I need more than passing exams to become a great Scientist. This new way of thought made me to run independent researches and publish research works as an undergraduate.

I am no scientist but I can deduce that that was the longest ‘little about yourself’ ever.

You coined the name Gason, given to a different state of water you discovered. How has the acceptance been?

Yes, I coined the name GASON as a new state of water. I did series of studies to arrive at conviction that water vapour from hot water and ice are different. It sounds crazy, but my guts never failed me.. I had challenges getting the research article published, but I later published it in a Journal recommended by one of my Lecturers. I was eager to get the work published then, but now I realize that I have to do more works on the Theory and get the work published in a more influential Journal or at least attend high impact scientific conferences to discuss this theory. But I am sure that the world and entire scientific community will celebrate the work someday, of course after some initial ridicule.

What is the first thing a new inventor should consider? What are things an inventor should avoid?

I would love Inventors to think of the usefulness of what they want to invent. Inventors should focus on inventing what makes life better and earth safer.

Inventors should avoid plagiarism and give due recognitions to whoever is due.

How did you finance your business, and how have your finances changed as you’ve grown your business? 

Business financing hasn’t been easy, because I finance both the Research and Business aspect. Although we are working on bringing in partners. We need governments support especially in the areas of advocacy, our people need to be told that their wastes can be used to generate electricity for them and more. We did series of presentations with the federal government via the Ministries but no serious commitment so far has come from the FG. But we are re strategizing on way forward.

What secrets have you learned in terms of marketing your product and getting it into stores? 

Ok don’t answer that.

As a young man above 30 years, you mind giving me a rough amount of megawatts I have peed off in my lifetime? 

Laughs


Going back to your business’s beginnings, what process did you follow to develop a prototype? 

We have been able to fabricate a pilot plant that converts urine into energy, the functioning is very okay. We are trying to secure some deals from different organizations to install these facilities for them.




And has the government been in any way involved in your work?

NO.
I don’t even know why I asked that question. 


What licensing deals are in place?

We have been able to secure an invention patent right for this technology.
Cool..

What has been your greatest success so far?

I can say that the greatest success so far is the construction of a functional plant to uses this technology. We are just sowing now, I hope that we will reap bountifully soon.

…and your lowest point? 

Lowest point was when we were trying to secure a deal from a very big facility in the country, we were still doing checks to know what could be the cost of the project, someone asked that I should bribe him out rightly based on what he anticipated could br the project cost. I told I am no longer interested. Yes, we all need money but our love for excellence and patriotism must rise above our love for money.
I love that last line. You probably should have it as your company slogan. It would be the longest slogan ever but hey, you have a knack for long lines. 






Lastly, what advice would you offer other inventors developing products?

Keep doing the good work even if you are not paid, one day someone that knows your value will reward you.
I’m sure people out there would say the same to you sir: to keep doing the good work. The world would be a much easier place with people like you.

Life in my country

From my humble beginnings.

 “I was a consultant on livestock. I major in Cow operations, Feedlots, Backgrounding, plus i am a cattle whisperer.”

Content with the little i had. I tended to my cattle, prayed to my God. All was fine by me.

But my goverment never cared. They plundered my nation’s resources. I could cope no longer with the strife, the insult.  So i moved to the big city in search of  a better life.

But life wasn’t better. Still i was content.  

But my goverment never cared. They built private houses with public money. Money that is partly mine.

Business was slow. Of course it was, they were millions like me trying to do good. Trying to make ends meet. Trying to ignore the insult.
So I switched jobs. And i got caught.

How come i got caught. Not one government person has been caught. Not fair. 


“I am a professional mass transit facilitator.”

That’s what i call myself. “I am not a conductor, what am i conducting?” But the people insist. And they add that i am nothing. They insult me. 

But when I was hungry and tempted and acted. I got caught. And they threatened to set me alight.

“Set them alight” i said.  But none understood me. Poor illiterate me.

“I am a successful Refuse disposal operator. Success is relative. I am my own boss too.”

Life has not been fair. But has it ever been? I understand that perfectly. What i don’t understand is my government. Thieves. How do they do it without being caught?

i figure it out and switch jobs.

I strategize. 

I take their money, they love me for it. Anybody insults me, my people insult them on my behalf. Just like my government.

Life’s not fair. But when has it ever been?

Slow Terror. Lazy victims

In ancient Rome there was a time when the people were often faced with pirates terrorizing trade places every now and then.

So Cicero was given the mandate to eradicate this menace. A responsibility that gave him alot of power.

I’m just wondering why all that was necessary given how slow those ships must have been with oars and masts. Heck, the Ships had  cruise speed probably about 5-6 knots and with 15-16 hours traveling they made the 100 nm a day (the all-time top was 130 for a week, only achieved a few times in times of Augustus). Quora.com

Ships left Europe for Africa during the Bronze age, they didn’t get to Africa till the Iron age. Thats how slow the ships were. lol

How the hell didn’t the people see the pirates coming from a long way off with enough time to pack up and leave before anything remotely terrorising could happen?

Of battery powered devices and planes

First the United States (acting on intelligence gathered) have placed a restriction on devices bigger than a cellphone for wouldbe in-flight passengers. Now the United kingdom has followed suit. 

The snitch probably forwarded the memo to MI6. Or the guys in the UK just thought to copy the US. 

Whichever. ..

I wonder how much intelligence intelligence agencies have anyway. If you announce to me, days ahead, that the bomb I hid in my iPad or laptop won’t be allowed in the cabin with me, or my matyr friend, but will be stashed away in the hub, can’t I, a renowned terrorist bomb-maker guy, with tools in hand and being a graduate of time consciousness, make a one button pressed, bomb-signaling thing to activate my other devices in the hub?

How dare they belittle me? And why can’t I simply fly to a country not on that list to fly from?
 

Not me..I meant the renowned terrorists bomb-maker guy. 

Hungry in Hungary 

Hungary still insists on detaining migrants passing through the country cramming them in air-conditioned shipping containers arranged in a barbed wired enclosure. 

The migrants though are really upset and have been protesting. Then someone thought of the smart idea of a hunger strike. 

Hunger in Hungary. 

It’s ended now though. 

I wonder how it was for some with mobile phones who went on social media at the time  with the post “Hunger strike still on” and somebody comments “where?” 

What the hell is wrong with a container with bathroom facility, air-conditioning? Isn’t that more comfort than they’re used to? Or for some, what they’re expecting in the promised land? 

Diamond studded pastor 

So a pastor of a small time church (I think it’s small time cos how else will Pastor get all the free time to go diamond mining?) oh am I wrong? He didn’t actually find it, his Labourers  did? Oh OK. My bad. 

Where was I? Oh yeah, in Sierra Leone a pastor found (his Labourers actually) one of the biggest diamonds in the world! Some 700 karat stone! 

It’s locked away in the central bank at the moment, cooling off. Pastor too, not in the bank, his home, going through maps and resort brochures. 

What’s this all about? 
I’m just wondering if he’ll remain a pastor. 

How close?

How close must I be for one to understand that I need them near? I’ve just been thinking that for a while now.
I can’t help but paint this lewd description, it should help to express my thoughts (and showcase my Hermann Hesse side):

Under the orange sky, by the mango tree with purple leaves, hand in hand,

two new lovers stand, watching the sunset fall on their shoulders as they say their third and probably last goodbyes for that day. He steps forward, even closer than he had earlier mustered courage to. He waits, hoping for her to do same. To him, it was the ultimate test. If she does not love him back she’d remain aloof. If she does she’ll move in to close the gap. She did love him, but she stood there, rooted in that spot.

Now, in the above scenario, both are in each other’s warm ambience, there and then both are safe and happy. Until.

I really should write some love story.

Anyway, I was just thinking if this world has so many people trying to draw close to their supreme being especially in this time of total ethno-religous and socio-economic madness, you’d wonder why the being doesn’t draw close to them. Let’s exclude all the hoards of hypocritics, focus on the ones who’ve got the faith thing going, the ones who earnestly seek comfort from above. How is it that comfort seldom comes? How is it that the “lover of our soul” stands afar of? So I asked my Christian buddy that and he recommended I read the following verse:

James 4:8 it says “Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you.”

And I was like, how close is this close that is required? Cos the overwhelming majority seems to have it that they’re on their own. That they’ve waited for long enough. That this lover doesn’t love enough. Most times it seems that they are now thinking straight. She probably was never there to begin with.

Or was she? It’s mighty hard to tell. The silence, the inaction of someone who loves you so well.